Page 94 - Delayed Dawn

13th Mar 2012, 6:00 AM
Delayed Dawn
Average Rating: 4.6 (5 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 13th Mar 2012, 6:00 AM edit delete
Newbiespud
When the players do something particularly impressive, that tends to be reflected in the NPCs reactions. In the first campaign I DM'd, a lot of my NPCs spent their time slack-jawed at the players' accomplishments in battle.

Any stories about rendering non-player characters (or just DMs) speechless?

167 Comments:

Kaleopolitus 13th Mar 2012, 6:25 AM edit delete reply
Kaleopolitus
I don't think there are a lot of stories of that kind remaining. The last few pages were practically dedicated to them (Save for the last two ^_^")
Ekevoo 14th Mar 2012, 5:00 PM edit delete reply
I'm betting you're glad you were wrong. : )
Kaleopolitus 15th Mar 2012, 2:49 AM edit delete reply
Kaleopolitus
Likewise :D
Simon o'Sullivan 13th Mar 2012, 6:41 AM edit delete reply
I remember one that made me laugh so hard. I was playing a kobold ranger and we were leading an army against the rival kingdom. The anamy had a giant eagle or something that causing lots of trouble among our ranks.

The next dialogue was as follows:

Me: "Do you have a ballista around?"
Soldier: "Yes."
Me: "Load me and shoot me towards the giant eagle."

The whole table was all like "... What?!"

But I insisted and they allowed it, they said "Hey, if you wanna die, at least it's an awesome way." They fired the ballista with me on board and as soon as I hit the bird, I started succeeding every tumble and Strengh rolls in order to not fall, almost killing that bastard. But I ended failing a roll and I fell to the ground... in front of the enemy army.

Me: "I roar menacingly with all the strengh my lungs would allow me."
DM (After several seconds of silence in dibelief) "Ooookay, that was pretty badass, so you get a bonus for it."
Me: (Roll dice) "Natural 20."
DM: "... You know what? To hell with this! Except for the highest ranks in the military and those who are already dead, EVERY SINGLE SOLDIER flees out of pants-shitting terror!"

And that's how Wrogthor, the ranger Kobold, became the most feared little bastard of the campaign.
JordanTH 13th Mar 2012, 6:46 AM edit delete reply
JordanTH
Clearly, you are playing the game very, very right.
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 7:22 AM edit delete reply
Watch out guys, we're dealing with a badass over here!
CommandoDude 13th Mar 2012, 7:44 AM edit delete reply
You realize that there's no such thing as a critical success in skill checks for DnD?
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 7:55 AM edit delete reply
That's actually up to the DM.
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 8:13 AM edit delete reply
You know what? I'm going to say it anyway (although there were no NPCs, I just left EVERYONE speechless).

I was playing a Firefly LARP, and I was playing am old, crazy rat-catcher. I would seriously do some cross of the Igor-shuffle and an Old-man-walk. And I wouldn't run, I'd lope. Anyway, I digress. Backstory time.

We lived on the planet Shadow, the one that got glassed by the Alliance during the Browncoat Rebellion. We all lived in caves because the atmosphere was toxic, and we were all steampunky.

So we found a ship, and everyone was trying to make sure they got to leave. I was sort of working for the mayor (that self-serving bass-turd), and I told him I wanted to leave so I could hunt "Space Rats". He said "Oh yeah! Tell you what, we need you to get behind the ship and hold the afterburner steady until we get into space, then we'll pull you in." "Okay," I said. When I got outside, I realized that I didn't know what an afterburner was, so I went to the Cantina to find out. I asked someone (and asked them again and again until it was dumbed down enough for a baby to understand), and upon hearing it shoots flames, I asked what happens if I stand behind one. I found out it burns you to ash. I'm devastated that the mayor would try to kill me, so I get mad. I find a gun and run off with it (after a fight in the hallway- I mean surface), and when the big meeting was going on to decide who got to go Off-world, I walked up to the mayor and shouted "Hey, DM, combat roll" and pulled the gun and shot the mayor. NO-ONE MOVED FOR 5 WHOLE MINUTES. When we rolled to see if I hit, I got a 6(+1) and he got a 1. So I killed the mayor. And not a single shit was given that day.

Crap. Wrong reply place. Sorry.
BadHorse 13th Mar 2012, 10:35 AM edit delete reply
BiM: OwlCon?
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 12:19 PM edit delete reply
Hell yeah. Numero 30. Why? Did you hear about it?
Ethan 13th Mar 2012, 8:02 AM edit delete reply
It may in theory be the case that skill checks can't get a critical success, but in my experience, that tends to be one of the rules that's most commonly bent in suitably dramatic situations. For instance, when a pegasus got hit by Hold Monster above a 10'-by-10' pit of certain death, I was much more inclined to allow someone to make a dramatic jump to push her to safety when a character with both wings AND relevant knowledge skills happened to roll a natural 20 on his Dex check.
Theo 13th Mar 2012, 8:12 AM edit delete reply
Once again proving why Kobolds are the best race ever. ;)
Masterofgames 13th Mar 2012, 8:17 AM edit delete reply
Oh god... PunPun... the horror..... the horror.........
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 8:37 AM edit delete reply
Who's PunPun?

But yes, for all their weakness and cowardice, Kobolds are the best race, as they are the only race to officially have a member with a pump-action shotgun. No joke. Look up Meep-Meep the kobold.
Kaleopolitus 13th Mar 2012, 8:44 AM edit delete reply
Kaleopolitus
That is AWESOME.
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 9:00 AM edit delete reply
The Kobold? Yeah, that is. Even more so since it's canon. And he's a... Sergeant, I think?
Masterofgames 13th Mar 2012, 9:01 AM edit delete reply
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Pun-Pun

Read this, then the rest of my comment.

PunPun can do anything. He wants a star destroyer?

"I can have one built in x-y number of days, where y is the number of followers I can tell to build it. Since my CHA stat is infinite, I can recruit infinite followers, so y is infinite, and x-y means I already have a star destroyer."

This is putting it mildly.
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 9:09 AM edit delete reply
*Jaw hits floor, punches through, and heads to the core.*
Kaleopolitus 13th Mar 2012, 9:15 AM edit delete reply
Kaleopolitus
*BiM's jaw passes by the Virgil and causes enough damage to force them to jettison a compartment*
Masterofgames 13th Mar 2012, 9:25 AM edit delete reply
I repeat.

The horror... the horror.....
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 9:27 AM edit delete reply
(If I could get my jaw to work, I'd totally agree with you.)
Stairc 13th Mar 2012, 12:53 PM edit delete reply
That wiki page is seriously out of date - the summary at least. Pun Pun is MUCH stronger than that.

The creators of it managed to get the build working at level ONE and have an arbitrarily large number of divine ranks (divine rank ten billion? Easy), along with many other things.

Here's the up-to-date thread. :)

http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75882/19869366/The_most_powerful_character._EVER.
Masterofgames 13th Mar 2012, 2:27 PM edit delete reply
Aww man... NOW what am I going to use for the follow up post? Timing man, timing! I was getting to that!
Stairc 14th Mar 2012, 8:20 AM edit delete reply
You could mention that the method for Pun-Pun giving himself an arbitrarily large number of Divine Ranks involves making an arbitrarily large number of DIVINE DEMIGOD SQUIRELLS!!!
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 7:27 AM edit delete reply
Does it count if it was in a LARP?
Zeeth 13th Mar 2012, 8:04 AM edit delete reply
Why wouldn't it?
Bronymous 13th Mar 2012, 8:11 AM edit delete reply
Bronymous
Because there are neither NPC's, DM's, or dice rolls in LARPing?
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 8:15 AM edit delete reply
Yes there are. It's not a Boffer-LARP.
Bronymous 13th Mar 2012, 8:20 AM edit delete reply
Bronymous
I don't know what that means.
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 8:25 AM edit delete reply
A Boffer-LARP is the one where you charge out into a battlefield and try to beat everyone to death with a pool noodle on a PVC pipe. An ACTUAL LARP sometimes involves DMs and dice, but mostly it's just RPS for combat and opposed skill checks.
Dragonflight 13th Mar 2012, 5:47 PM edit delete reply
A good example of that is a LARP society I was part of way back in my college days. We had about forty people at its height, our own rules (about thirty pages of them by the final revision,) and probably about $500 in fan-made props, prop monsters, treasure chests, costumes, and so on. With more being made all the time by both players and NPC player monsters.

Anyway, it was an ambitious project for me that year. I ran three games, one month apart each, as part of a trilogy. To explain, OFFS wasn't a couple hours on a Saturday playing a live RPG. It was forty people driving off to a remote nature trail or campsite, toting tents, sleeping bags, two days of provisions, and a metric tonne of props and gear (and the walkie-talkies *never* worked right, and rechargeable batteries were a pain to keep charged...) so that 1 GM and between four and six "Refs" could manage the whole gamesite over a roughly 36 hour period.

So there we were, running the final combat in the first game. The demon lord everyone thought had been banished a thousand years ago is making his comeback, and (with a few other scripted NPC player monsters) is managing to (so far) hold off two player parties and a handful of allied NPC players.

About halfway through the combat, someone mentions that the demon lord has been cheating death by inhabiting the gold circlet the old king wears, but it's impossible to remove because if anyone grabs it, they have an irresistible compulsion to put it on. (He's the one who was shooting fireballs and laughing manically at that point, as the script called for.)

A player who'd just joined and put together a Faerie Dragon character (and was pretty ineffective in the final fight,) perked up at that. He'd been in hiding on one side of combat. He grinned, and used his insane flight speed to move over to the evil king (movement was "x" many paces per round, and his flight speed was something massive, like 40 or 50 paces,) pulls the crown off the head of the king, and slides it around his neck.

Suddenly the evil demon lord of the final fight finds himself in the body of a 15-pound snake with butterfly wings, and is surrounded by *lots* of angry PC's.

He actually made a successful escape, and came back to menace the party in a later game, but that one move made the newcomer an instant hit with everyone with such a ballsy move. Since I'd scripted several deaths for the demon lord, and he was *expected* to lose, this didn't faze me at all. Finding a way to restore the player's character next game was fun, though. :)
Brony Is Magic 14th Mar 2012, 6:13 AM edit delete reply
Demon Lord: "FEAR ME! I AM THE ALL-POWERFUL [Insert Demon name here] AND I HAVE COME TO KILL YOU ALL AND WIPE YOUR PATHETIC PLANE FROM EXISTENCE!"

Players: *snickering* "I'm sorry Mr. [Insert Demon name here], but nobody can take you seriously when you're a butterfly snake. *Everyone ROFLs*
Lucidity 13th Mar 2012, 7:43 AM edit delete reply
Fallout Campaign in South Dakota. My BoS party (at the time, just me and one other person) is sent to go scout a mall-turned-raider-base that's also apparently an ammo depot. Enclaves got their sights set on it a few days from then, so we go, with the intention to just, y'know, scout. Sniper on a cliff about a mile away, me going in close with stealth.
Fast forward: They think I'm a fellow raider because I've got a leather jacket and cap. I'm safe, so given that, the sniper starts taking more obvious shots. Raiders get scared, I try to rally them to help kill him, and eventually on my walkie-talkie, I shout (to the sniper), "Yo, we need backup!"
He comes in, allegedly wanting to join the gang, and having 'killed' the sniper, this seems like an ample opportunity. About half the goons in the place were dead, so they were gonna need some more soon. We're taken to the boss, and he gets angry REALLY easily. Finds out half his dudes died, and then crushes our raider-escorts skull. The sniper doesn't have a way with words, so boss battle!
Fast forward again: I call on the PA for the raiders to come to the bosses room. At this point, there's only, like, 5 left, but I still do it. They come in and find me and the sniper. I have the leaders head cut off and in my hand. They stand there stunned, and I just say, "There's openings in the Brotherhood if you wanna join." They just nod.
Using the power of science, I rig the PA to the signal the Brotherhood uses, call the commander, and tell him that we have a base and some new recruits. Since we were just supposed to be scouting, and we were only level 2...
Let's just say promotions were called for.
Demonu 13th Mar 2012, 7:49 AM edit delete reply
Demonu
Rendering DM's and/or NPC's speechless?
My moment to shine ^^
Bear with me because this is going to take a while...

For those who remember, I'm the DM of the Five Fathers Adventuring Party (as coined by Ranubis) and this story once again involves Sarah (the (MacGuffin) girl they adopted) and levels of kindness I didn't expect from my group.

So first the set up. This takes place a couple of game sessions after the group had first encountered Sarah and they have now nearly doubled in level. Now my idea was to have a more combat heavy scenario so that the group could test out all their new skills and whatnot. I made it so that in a forest near the town where the group lived (they had bought a house sometime after taking in Sarah because, you know, taking a little girl adventuring just doesn't go very well), a magic well had cracked and was leaking magic infused water into the forest, causing the fauna and flora to take on magical aspects and threaten the town, both by the forest expanding steadily (threatening farmers and farmland) and the economy because no one wants to travel through a forest where you can be attacked by magical beasts at any given moment.

So with that out of the way, the group started out the evening before they would venture out into the forest to fix things. So everyone is doing what they usually do to prepare for adventure: check equipment, prepare spells, ask the neighbours to take care of Sarah because they will be gone 2 to 3 days, pack rations and so forth. When all of the sudden, the wizard looks up from his notes and adresses the party.

Now, our wizard, in his endless quest for knowledge, had taken up the habit of keeping journals. A personal one, one for the group, one detailing all the places they have visited, a monster manual, etc. Seriously, his monster manuel is near identical to the official one, only lacking stats and minor details. This is both a blessing and a curse. Good because that way, I know they are invested in the story, his notes are a back-up archive for me and I can make use of recurring NPC's and such. Bad because I have to get creative with encounters because he could just whip out his notes and say "Hey guys, we fought this beast already 4 months ago. It's particulary vulnerable to this and that." Or "Guys, this we've already met this NPC 3 months ago when he was leading a group of rebels against the sheriff." or something like that. Then again, that's also a good thing because it adds an extra layer of my Doctor Doom preperations against his (quasi-) Batman knowledge.

Anyway, the wizard adresses the party.
Wizard: "Guys, do we have any leftover money we could spare?"
Cleric (as mentioned before, the one who does all the shopping most of the time): "Yeah sure. Why?"
Wizard: "Because at the end of this week, it's going to be 1 year since we met Sarah and I think we should get her something."
Because, seeing how Sarah had almost no memory to speak of prior to encountering the group, they had appointed the day they found her to be her birthday.

So yeah, now the group had decided to leave for the forest only in the afternoon so they could spend the time before noon shopping for birthday presents. Of course, seeing how none of them had a lot of experience shopping for a girl (both in character as out), let alone a 10-12 year old one (I kept Sarah's age vague on purpose), things got hilarious real quick.

I'm going to fetch my notes here real quick so that I don't quote anything wrong.
(btw, this story is probably going to take up 3 or 4 of these posts so do yourself a favour and get a cup of tea or something)
Bronymous 13th Mar 2012, 8:16 AM edit delete reply
Bronymous
The Five Fathers Adventuring Party: putting the rest of our stories to shame without even trying. And it's not even over yet.
magewolf 13th Mar 2012, 2:18 PM edit delete reply
pulls a stein of mead.

HEAR! HEAR! well said mah good man, well said.

Demonu 13th Mar 2012, 8:19 AM edit delete reply
Demonu
Ah yes, here we go. Let's see here.

So after dropping Sarah off at school, the group decided that they would split up to look for a present and meet up again at noon at the house. I decided to let each player go seperately on their search, for this made it easier for me to guide the search and to make sure that they wouldn't buy the same present twice.

Most of them went the way I thought they would. The wizard got her a book (go figure) but man, I could swear he used advanced quantum mechanics to figure out the perfect book because he took so very, very long to pick one out. The paladin used his contacts from his order to arrange a couple of things so that Sarah could pick out herself what she would want to do (visit someplace, pick something out herself, something like that), basically the equivalent of a coupon. The cleric bought her a nice piece of jewelry, a necklace with an ornament holding 5 different coloured stones. The idea was that it represented the group and I thought it was a good idea so I turned it into a plotpoint later in the story (I'm not above using my groups' ideas and such for my own agenda)

Now the fighter. Oh boy, the fighter. Seeing how the rest gave Sarah something related to their own, he figured he couldn't just give her a sword or some other weapon. So he starts hitting about every store in town in search for something that wouldn't pale in comparison to the others. But, clueless as he is (the fighter, not the player), he steps into a clothing boutique. Of course, I couldn't resist jerking him around a bit.

Shop Owner: "Good day sir. How may I help you?"
Fighter: "I want to buy a dress."
SO: "Certainly. Do you have anything in mind?"
Fighter: "Do I look like I regularly shop for a dress?"
SO: "I... guess not? So who is it for?"
Fighter: "A little girl."
SO: "Ah, for your daughter, I presume?"
Fighter: "Yes. Well no. I mean, she is my daughter. Sort of. Well, not really but I consider her to be family. She considers all of us her family. We kind of are, in a way. She's not really my daughter, mind you, me and my 4 friends just found her one day in a dungeon and decided to take her in."
SO: "I... Wha..."
Fighter: "So do you have anything or what?"
SO: "Perhaps in the back..."

So finally, he gets the dress and makes his way home. Now, I haven't mentioned yet what the rogue will get her. That's because when everyone arrived home at noon, he was just standing outside with nothing. The others naturally confront him about this and he starts off his reply.

Rogue: "People, please. A book? A dress? A necklace? A coupon?"
Paladin: "It's not a coupon!"
Rogue: "Whatever. The point is, we can do better than this."
Fighter: "Oh yeah? Then what do you suppose we get her, smartass?"
Rogue: "That's easy. Gentlemen, we're going to get Sarah...
(pause for dramatic effect)
...a unicorn."

And I'm like "What?"
So yeah, figuring that they will venture out in an enchanted forest for the next 3 days or so, the rogue figured that they might as well take back a souvenir. And so, "Operation Unicorn" (their words, not mine) was added as a subquest for that evening.

To be continued in the next post.
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 8:30 AM edit delete reply
Man, now I want a Unicorn. But some tea sounds really good right now. Hmm... I know! I'll get a Unicorn that makes tea!

Awkward Fighter moment made me ROFL.
Digo 13th Mar 2012, 8:48 AM edit delete reply
Same here. Brilliant stuff and I think "Operation Unicorn" is a nice touch.
Kaleopolitus 13th Mar 2012, 8:38 AM edit delete reply
Kaleopolitus
Mother of god, this is going to be AMAZING. Demonu, I swear, that group of yours is the most glorious thing in existence xD

OH MY GOD I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING

Fuck, I'll have to come back later tonight or I'll be risking my health at this rate xD
Aekiel 13th Mar 2012, 8:41 AM edit delete reply
I hate to say it, since it makes FiD seem less awesome than it is, but your stories are my favourite part of this webcomic.
Demonu 13th Mar 2012, 8:49 AM edit delete reply
Demonu
So the group makes their way over to the enchanted forest and by then, it's pretty much standard D&D: fighting off enchanted creatures, fighting off enchanted vegetation, the occasional roll to see if they can spot a unicorn, the occasional roll to see if they can spot unicorn tracks, fighting off some more enchanted creatures and vegetation until they finally reach the heart of the forest. It was here where the magic well was located and the root of the problem was. The well had to be repaired or drained entirely of the water inside of it (whatever they decided to do) but of course, it was guarded by various fauna and flora. Anyway, long story short (too late ^^) they somehow fix the problem and start heading back.

Now, ingame time, they still had one full day until Sarah's birthday so they decided to spend the entire day doing nothing but looking for any signs of unicorns. I thought by myself "I'm going to thrown them a bone here." and eventually made them come across a pair of unicorn tracks. Of course, the entire party grabs this opportunity with both hands and starts following them. This does pose a bit of a problem however because fully armoured men, the fighter; paladin and cleric in particular, don't exactly make for a stealthy pursuit. But again, I decide to be lenient because they really have their hopes up on this so I make it so that they eventually come across a unicorn drinking at a small pool. But now, the fun part begins.

Fighter: "Okay, there's a unicorn in front of us. Now what?"
Rogue: "We try to capture it, of course."
Fighter: "Right. How do we do that?"
Rogue: "You don't know how to capture a wil animal?"
Fighter: "No, everything we've after encountered, I had to slay immediately."
Rogue: "I don't know. Kill it a little less dead?"

I could see that they really wanted to start but at the same time, were afraid that they would ruin their only chance so I slid the wizard a note.

Wizard: "Wait guys, according to my notes (see first post), legends tell that a unicorn, a symbol of purity and grace, can only be capture by someone who possesses those qualities."
Fighter: "What are you talking about?"
Wizard: "It means the unicorn can only be captured by a virgin."
Fighter: "I see. You go get it, paladin"
Paladin: "I'm not a virgin!"
Fighter: "Right... Pull the other one, choirboy."

But before the fighter and paladin go rock'em sock'em robots on each other, I decide to implement a skill challenge here, questioning every member of the group's sexual escapades. Which on its own is a hilariously awkward story which would showcase my DM-style but due to a bit of mature content, I'll refrain of posting it here.
Maybe in another post if people are really interested in it but seeing how I don't know the age groups here that well, I'll pass for now.

Of course, the encounter fails. No way would I let them have a living unicorn prancing around in their backyard. Both for lore reasons, in that unicorns don't survive captivity and such, but I won't let them have free access to magical ingredients for potions, rituals and whatnot. It's bad enough that the wizard is trying to grow his own magic garden of weeds and herbs but a living unicorn was too much.

So the group retreats back home, shoulders slumped and a general air of defeat in the air. All their faces are stuck on disappointment and no one speaks a word.
That is, until the fighter gets an idea...

Stay tuned for the conclusion ^^
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 8:50 AM edit delete reply
Heh. "Root" of the problem. Heh heh.

But let me guess, They Polymorph the Paladin into a Unicorn. With magical God-given powers. A veritable Pala-corn.
Kaleopolitus 13th Mar 2012, 9:18 AM edit delete reply
Kaleopolitus
Pala... Corn... Hang on, I just lost my voice; where'd that b*tch go...
Demonu 13th Mar 2012, 9:30 AM edit delete reply
Demonu
So the group has just arrived home when the fighter, of all people, gets an idea. He asks for the wizard's spellbooks and starts reading it.

Me: "You're going to need an Arcana skill check to do that."
Fighter: "What? To read a book?"
Me: "If you want to understand it, yes."
Fighter: "I don't need to understand it, I just have to check something."
Me: "Okay..."

So he reads the wizard's notes for about 5 minutes, jots something down on a piece of paper and bolts out the door.

Me: "Where are you going?"
Fighter: "I'm going to the market. I'll be back in an hour."

So at that time, I decide to hold a 5 minute break so people can strecht their legs a bit. The fighter's player comes to me with the note in his hands and he starts negotiating with me. The note was a list of supplies he wanted. I check in with my books and sadly have to inform him he doesn't have the money for it. But then he starts bringing out the big guns and I eventually comply under certain circumstances.

A quick note here: the fighter might seems like your typical brawns for brains kind of guy but the player who plays him isn't anything like that. He's probably the one who's studying the most difficult classes and playing D&D is kind of his downtime, a time where he doesn't have to study/think much and can just go with the flow and enjoy breaking things.

So when we reconvene back at the table, we start back with the fighter coming back home carrying a bag and, I kid you not, a pony. The other players don't know how to make head or tails of this recent development and starts assaulting him with questions.

Paladin: "Where did you get that pony?"
Fighter: "From the market, duh."
Cleric: "Where did you get the money for it?"
Fighter: "I sold the birthday presents."
Rogue: "You did WHAT?!"
Fighter: "It's for a good cause!"
Wizard (more levelheaded than the rest): "What's in the bag?"
Fighter: "Good that you ask."

He opens the bag and spills its contents on the table. There are various herbs and weeds, gems, little bags of sparkly dust, pretty much anything you need to cast enchantments. And the fighter, he turns to the wizard and he says:

Fighter: "I don't know a whole lot about your magic mumbo jumbo but I do know that you can cast illusions. So..."
He points towards the pony.
"Could you make that pony look like a unicorn?"

And the rest of the party just sits there, mouths wide open, not knowing what to say. Until the wizards starts stuttering:

Wizard: "Yeah... Yeah, I... I can do that."
Fighter: "Good, get to it. Now the rest of you, help me put up these decorations and get started on that cake."

He pulls out another bag, this one filled with baking ingredients and small, decorative items (because streamers and party hats don't exist obviously) So everyone gets going: the cleric baking, the wizard enchanting and the rest just cleaning up the place. Now the fighter has spared no expenses and got some high level quality ingredients for the wizard to use. Because of that, and due to some lucky rolls, the illusions was of a very high quality, to the point that you could touch the horn. The pony's mane and tail turned into azure with sparkles woven into it, its coat becomes broken white, the hooves get a silvery glance and, of course, a horn appears on its forehead.

So, in the end, "Operation Unicorn" was a succes, albeit not in a way anyone would have seen coming. The birthday party was a huge succes and a lot of fun (with fireworks, courtesy of the wizard), the fighter was the hero of the day and a good time was had by all.

But after our game session had ended, the wizard's player came to me.

WP: "I don't get it."
Me: "Get what?"
WP: "I calculated how much money everything must have cost and even with returning the original birthday presents, he would still come up short."
Me: "You're absolutely correct. He didn't have enough money for everything."
WP: "Then how did he pay for it?"
Me (with a smile): "He sold his sword."


THE END (for now ^^)
Kaleopolitus 13th Mar 2012, 9:38 AM edit delete reply
Kaleopolitus
http://www.gifsforum.com/images/gif/cry/grand/crocodile_tears_cry_gif.gif
Bronymous 13th Mar 2012, 9:52 AM edit delete reply
Bronymous
I think Im done playing DnD, just because I know I'll never be able to pull something that good in any of my games.

Will you be my new DM?

I am also going to need to hear those "sexual escapades" as well, so thats one vote.
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 11:11 AM edit delete reply
They sound like they're hilarious, so two.

Just remember, everyone, that Spud has an at-will Veto Power.
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 10:02 AM edit delete reply
D'aw!
Zeeth 13th Mar 2012, 9:50 AM edit delete reply
Yyyyeah, that'd hit me with a stun effect.
darkwulf23 13th Mar 2012, 10:05 AM edit delete reply
darkwulf23
Your group is made with win
darkwulf23 13th Mar 2012, 10:12 AM edit delete reply
darkwulf23
One question though. You said that the necklace that the Cleric bought was a plot point later in your game. However, you also said that the fighter sold all the gifts. So what happened, did your group buy it back, or did it just show up randomly later?
Demonu 13th Mar 2012, 10:34 AM edit delete reply
Demonu
I arranged it so that it showed up later, albeit in a different context, and still wound up in Sarah's possession. The necklace itself wasn't very important, the stones were. And they did have an impact on the story, or at the very least, the final battle.
Bronymous 13th Mar 2012, 10:39 AM edit delete reply
Bronymous
And then she realized that the Spark was inside her all along, and represented the Magic of Friendship?
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 11:07 AM edit delete reply
*Applause For Bronymous*
Kaleopolitus 13th Mar 2012, 11:35 AM edit delete reply
Kaleopolitus
Bronymous, you deserve another cookie.
http://cdn.techpatio.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/cookie_law_eu.gif
Demonu 13th Mar 2012, 12:25 PM edit delete reply
Demonu
No actually. I don't use anything related to MLP-FiM in my campaigns because my group aren't bronies (well, not all of them)

If you must know, the stones, in combination with Sarah's divine powers, caused the players to become the physical embodiment of what they stand for/represented/primary attribute. Aside from a general boost in stats, here are the effects of the stones:

- Fighter: becomes the embodiment of Strenght. He gains an extra, even bigger boost in stats, making him able to fight on par with demi-gods.
- Wizard: becomes the embodiment of Intelligence/Knowledge. He gains access to every spell in existence that can be cast without requirements (so no spells that require one to worship a certain god or a shift in alignment or so)
- Paladin: becomes the embodiment of Righteousness/Justice. Aside from all his attacks having extra holy damage, he radiates an aura that grants specific bonuses depending on the person in question. He also gains angelic wings.
- Cleric: becomes the embodiment of Kindness (okay, maybe 1 thing from MLP...) He's able to cast any beneficial spell (be it healing, buffs, etc) instantly without any drawback whatsoever. Also radiates an aura that gives a general increase in a person's primary defense mechanic (AC, ability to dodge or something like that)
- Rogue: becomes the embodiment of Ambition. He can achieve anything he sets his mind to, either by manipulation the circumstances, people's perceptions or the very die rolls themselves.

The stones also morphed into a weapon each, specifically tailored for the person wielding it.
Kaleopolitus 13th Mar 2012, 12:34 PM edit delete reply
Kaleopolitus
Holy shit that sounds overpowered o.o
Demonu 13th Mar 2012, 12:42 PM edit delete reply
Demonu
They had to be if they wanted to stand a chance against the Final Big Bad.
And it helps to have a godchild backing you up :)

@ Izandai:

The fighter making a sacrifice is a cliché? I wouldn't know. The reason I mentioned it was because it was an unexpected, yet heartwarming thing to do.
Izandai 13th Mar 2012, 12:27 PM edit delete reply
And the fighter is the one who makes a sacrifice for the little girl.

You see, I don't know why people hate stereotypes. They're overused for a reason. I.e., they're good story elements.
Vulpis 23rd Jul 2012, 3:19 PM edit delete reply
Why isn't the Story of Sarah put up on the wiki above the Story of Noh??
Aeron Nancet 7th Nov 2012, 9:49 PM edit delete reply
http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120827211245/glee/images/7/76/Right_in_the_feels.gif
magewolf 13th Mar 2012, 2:31 PM edit delete reply
ah cant speak fer the rest o' yall but

1: ah am 27 as of last thursday and admit that this comic and theses stories are the hilights of my day.

2:anything that gives us more five fathers is good.


Kaleopolitus 13th Mar 2012, 3:04 PM edit delete reply
Kaleopolitus
Really. You don't have to imitate your own accent. It's actually irritating to read.

Of course you can ignore me, but that gives you minus points towards me.
Bronymous 13th Mar 2012, 3:39 PM edit delete reply
Bronymous
I'll second that^

As for overpowered, you should have seen the swords our DM was handing out to us during a campaign. They all had similar effects, with a few key differences. If we wielded them, we could no longer wear armor, but received Dragon-size AC's and Saves. My sword gave me an Acid Breath Weapon, and let me fly as movement. And we didn't even have a serious Big Bad to fight with these things, they actually served as the MacGuffins.
Demonu 13th Mar 2012, 3:53 PM edit delete reply
Demonu
Oh, why not. But if Newbiespud does find it inappropriate to post it here, I'll delete it without question.

So, as stated above, the group needed a virgin if they wanted to catch the unicorn. Being well-versed in the use of the Xanatos Gambit, I had set it up so that, no matter what they would do, it would end in failure (for reasons explained in previous posts)

The way it played out was, each member had 3 choices:
1) Tell the group they were a virgin, the encounter would begin and it would fail. Also, the character in question would have to live with the prospect of being mocked by the rest and be certain that the others would try to get him laid.
2) Refuse to tell. The group would then assume the character is a virgin and the encounter would begin. The encounter would still fail, either because the character is a virgin and he botched up (resulting in outcome 1) or because he's not a virgin and because he refused to tell, the group would pester him endlessly until he would tell.
3) Each character would have to tell the group about their first time (in as much detail as they want) This option had 2 outcomes:
A. The tale would be believed by the group and they would be convinced the character in question isn't a virgin. But then, no virgin, no encounter.
B. The tale would be too unbelievable for the group and the character in question would have to roll for Bluff against the group. If the character won, the group would believe that he isn't a virgin but then, no encounter. If the character loses the roll, the group would assume he made the tale up to cover for the fact that he is a virgin, resulting in 1.

So yeah, there was no way they could win as I had everything covered. (Crazy prepared? Moi? Nah...)
I didn't exactly told them that those were their only options but I'm good at predicting what my group of players would do so I can manipulate them like pieces on a chessboard 95% of the time.

Everyone eventually took option 3, albeit some needed a bit more convincing from the group to get to that point. The fighter started off first, boldly claiming that he had shagged every woman back in his hometown. I was inclined to believe him but the group had their doubts. That was until he started rattling off various details in disturbingly graphic detail that the group asked him to stop before he could go on about his mighty claymore of endurance and how it would impale...
Yeah, forget it, I'm going to burn those notes.

The others were relatively tame in comparison. The paladin has had only one girlfriend, his childhood sweetheart, and was even engaged to her before he went on his personal quest. The group thought that was the truth so he was safe, so to speak. Except that now the fighter had a new subject to hammer on about to put him on edge. And I'm not even talking about the puns that he came up with...

The rogue, hailing from an aristocratic family, had been regularly set up on arranged dates thanks to his family wanting to move up in the social hierarchy. He never was interested in that as much as his family was but that's not to say he couldn't "enjoy" those dates. Again, the group took it as the truth.

The cleric probably had the most normal history. He had dated a couple of girls before he became a cleric. But after he became a cleric, he was seeing a sister of his clerical order in secret. He even had the plan to elope with her but the whole getting exiled ruined everything. He cut all ties with her to protect her, fearing that if people traced her back to him, she too would get exiled and he wouldn't let that happen. Of course, most of the group were suckers for a dramatic love story so they assumed it to be the truth without questioning.

Then came the wizard. Which was probably the most fun, yet awkward to find out because he added a whole new twist to his background.

Fighter: "So who did you enchant, wizard boy?"
Wizard: "I don't want to talk about it..."
Fighter: "Oh come on, who was it? One of your study buddies over at magic school?" (saying this with this huge grin on his face as he was having the time of his life)
Wizard: "I said I don't want to talk about it..."
Fighter: "One late night at the library and things got a bit out of hand, maybe? Or perhaps you offered her some private tutoring at her place, because we all know what happens during those study sessions..."
Wizard: "It was the librarian."
Fighter: "Come again?"
Wizard: "It was the librarian at my school, alright? Now get off my back..."
Fighter: "So you had something of a hot librarian going on. You stud you. Why didn't you just tell us?"
Wizard: "Because it got me kicked out of the magic academy, that why!"
Cue surprised faces of the other players.
Me: "You got... kicked out?"
Wizard: "Yeah, I got kicked out. I never graduated and I'm not officially recognized as a mage, okay? It's not something I'm proud of so can we just drop it?"
Fighter: "Oh man, that's so sad to hear. Still, hot librarian?"
Wizard: "Hell yeah!"

And then they high fived each other.
I was busy jotting this all down because this was good stuff and background information to be used to my advantage. And that of the story, of course.
But now, the group was out of virgins (god, that sounds so wrong) so they decided to just storm in and try to capture the unicorn. Needless to say, this failed due to various reasons.

Never thought I would see the day that I would consider my group's characters' sexual history to be relevant to the plot but hey, you can never know. And I kind of like surprises ^^
Kaleopolitus 13th Mar 2012, 4:13 PM edit delete reply
Kaleopolitus
EVERY SINGLE TIME DEMONU.

EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU CRACK ME UP.

I love you man, Guy Love style.
Demonu 13th Mar 2012, 4:17 PM edit delete reply
Demonu
ALL OF THE HOMO!

Just kidding, man ;)
I'm just glad to hear that people enjoy me rambling on about these stories. I love telling stories and I can assure you, I've got a lot more where those came from.
(maybe not as good but hey, I can still try ^^)
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 5:50 PM edit delete reply
You, sir, and your group, are the Deities of Badassery. You all have my eternal respect and admiration.
Bronymous 13th Mar 2012, 4:20 PM edit delete reply
Bronymous
Winners. All of them.
darkwulf23 14th Mar 2012, 12:01 PM edit delete reply
darkwulf23
Like the fact that the only story the group had doubts believing is the fighters. Course that is how it is, everyone knows that if someone talks about none stop hitting that with several different girls, he is either a liar or a man-whore.
Brony Is Magic 15th Mar 2012, 4:28 AM edit delete reply
Please sir, the correct term is Gigolo.
darkwulf23 14th Mar 2012, 1:15 PM edit delete reply
darkwulf23
Oh and the wizards story. Every guy here is thinking the same thing. "So Worth It."
Pav Feira 13th Mar 2012, 5:47 PM edit delete reply
Oh Celestia, I'm still d'awwwing. Such a cute story :D
Ranubis 14th Mar 2012, 6:01 AM edit delete reply
Ranubis
Yay, I named the party!

As for your stories... the fighter sold his sword to get a gift for Sarah. That's just...
Your group is amazing.
AudienceMember 13th Mar 2012, 8:17 AM edit delete reply
*Goes get a cup of tea*
Digo 13th Mar 2012, 8:31 AM edit delete reply
Star Trek game--

The players were MERChants that run goods from A to B without asking questions.
They got involved in a conspiracy where a corporation had developed a space station with the purpose of drawing proto-matter from a parallel dimension and marketing it as cheap energy. This caused the natives of that dimension (preditory liquidmetal squid-like aliens) to invade and start eating the settlers of nearby colony worlds.

The situation spilled over the border to the Klingon Empire and the Klingons sent an operative with plenty of resources to deal with it and silence anyone invloved. Including the PCs.
However, The PCs stayed one step ahead of the Klingon Operative and figured out that the other-dimensional squids communicate via specific radio frequency. They went to the space station that did the dimension experiment and used it's transmitter to call all the squids over.
Once the squids were at the station tearing it apart, the PCs set the self destruct code and blasted the dimensional hole closed (thereby either killing or shunting the squids back home).

The Klingon Operative was so impressed he had no words. Literally. He just packed up and left back to his superiors with the report that the situation has been "dealt with".
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 8:34 AM edit delete reply
Because when a space station explosion kills the T-1000 Reapers, there are no words.
technopony 13th Mar 2012, 8:34 AM edit delete reply
*Munches on a bucket of popcorn*
PageChaser 13th Mar 2012, 8:37 AM edit delete reply
I was playing in a Fantasy GURPS game with my usual group about six months ago. We were supposed to be members of a squad of soldiers in an army rebelling against a corrupt king. I had built a pretty good archer with enough skill in longsword to make sure he wouldn't get slaughtered if he was forced into close quarters. Everyone else had built characters just short of power gaming, so they had enchanted weapons galore but no real supplies. I picked up all the sundry items for adventuring and only took a standard long bow with an added d6 sonic damage for my magic items.

My archer was sent out to scout the enemy camp and report back so we could make a plan of attack. Due to some unforeseen circumstances the other four members of the party were captured and brought into the camp while I was out. Our GM has a habit of working with individual groups if the party is split in a significant manner, so I don't know what the others are doing to try to escape.

I backtrack to the camp and start picking off guards from the tree line. Afterward I proceed to rush the camp with a longsword. I honestly believe that this is a suicide mission and that I'm just buying the others enough time to escape while I draw the enemy away. After fighting with the rest of the guards patrolling the camp's perimeter, I notice almost all the soldiers rushing for the center of camp and follow. I'm greeted with the sight of a mage with his hands held high standing over the party leader. I take a shot hoping to distract the mage.

What followed were probably the luckiest rolls I'll ever have in my life. I ended up rolling a critical success, confirming the crit, rolling a headshot from the random hit location chart, and then rolling max damage on both the longbow and the sonic damage. What I thought was going to be a solid shot into the torso turned into an exploding melon. I chose to fast draw another arrow expecting to initiate combat again once the soldiers turned around and jokingly asked "So, who's in charge around here?" The GM laughed, shook his head, and told me "At this point... you." We brought back the two platoons of soldiers to bolster our rebel army.
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 8:39 AM edit delete reply
*Jaw-Drop*
Kaleopolitus 13th Mar 2012, 8:44 AM edit delete reply
Kaleopolitus
*Slow Clap*
Digo 13th Mar 2012, 8:47 AM edit delete reply
Nice! That's an asmazing shot right there.
technopony 13th Mar 2012, 8:38 AM edit delete reply
Actually, Demonu, I think my DM must read your posts. SInce, recently, we ended up rescuing this little half-demon kid named Riku from a band of cultists. And now we're basically the kids family as well, especially since he thinks the rogue is his mother and the cleric is his dad (the two players hate one another). The wizard and Monk(me) both are the uncles in this scenario. We end up doing more domestic stuff than we do adventuring now lol.

So, thanks I suppose, for inspiring one of the most entertaining plots I've played in a while. My hat is off to you, sir.
Demonu 13th Mar 2012, 12:48 PM edit delete reply
Demonu
Thanks. But I'm just sharing some stories from the good days. ^^

It's been my pleasure.
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 8:58 AM edit delete reply
*Spills Mountain Dew on the projector*
Bronymous 13th Mar 2012, 9:56 AM edit delete reply
Bronymous
That'll be fine, just run it through the dishwasher.^
Mishoku 13th Mar 2012, 9:21 AM edit delete reply
Hmm let's see. My favorite one has to be when a friend and I were playing a couple of dwarves and we ended up helping a town captain flush out an assassin in her town. We went up to confront him and he poisoned herand spider-climbed to the ceiling. My dwarf barbarian surprisingly enough also had boots of spider-climb. He followed him up, then the assassin jumped out of the window. Well apparently the assassin also possesed an amulet of featherfall. My barbarian being in a rage and having a good, if not frail, human poisoned, did what any good dwarf would do. He followed him out the window. So halfway down my dwarf catches up as the featherfall kicks in an dhe attacks the assassin. He hits him, crits him and knocks him down to like 15 hp. My dwarf lands, grunts as he takes about half his hp in falling damage, but readies an action to hit the assassin again when he lands. Needless to say the assassin gave up and produced an antidote. Dwarves ftw.
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 9:25 AM edit delete reply
Speaking of dwarves, I'm in a campaign where I play a dragonborn who talks the Skyrim dragon language. I don't speak Common, so I pass a notebook back and forth between me and the Tiefling Warlock, much to the annoyance of my brother's dwarf. They can't speak Draconic! *Troll Face*
Lyntermas 13th Mar 2012, 10:50 AM edit delete reply
Great stories, everyone! Sadly, I don't really have much D&D experience, so here's an alt-script.

I had previously mentioned some of the problems with fast-forwarding the caompaign (freeing of Discord). But I hadn't considered some of the benefits as well. This alt-script takes place after the events of "Luna Eclisped".

TS: Princess Luna, I've been honored to help you become more relatable to the citizens of Ponyville. I'm surprised that I haven't seen you sooner.
Luna: I had been taking time to, as you say, "catch up" on current events. But you cannot know the depth of gratitude for allowing me to be even SEEN in public again.
TS: Oh, it was just a few voice exercises and games. Simple really.
Luna: I was referring to my swift defeat on the eve of the Summer Sun Celebration. I don't think you realize the great impact that that has made.
TS: What do you mean?
Luna:...Do you know how many ponies even KNOW of Nightmare Moon? Outside of Ponyville, it's considered an old mare's tale, completely unassociated with the newly-returned Princess of the Night. Think about it. No reign of terror, no social upheaval, no plants withering, no mobilization of troops. Just one night that lasted a bit longer than normal. When I met the Canterlot Elite, they were enamored of my "quaint, genteel" ways, unaware that I would have taken over all of Equestria given the chance.
TS: Oh.
Luna: So instead of being considered a heartless tyrant with the masses baying for my blood for high treason, I am at best an accepted and respected member of the Royal Court, and at worst a harmless villain who is appeased with candy one night a year.
TS: So, I guess it all worked out for the best.
Luna:Indeed it did. I would think that an extended war would have granted undue power to certain...undesirable persons. Harsh nobles committing necessary evils for the greater good that wouldn't relinquish their power when it was all over, greedy opportunists using chaotic times to exploit others. It's funny, hearing them muttering about a good war doing them some good, when one just passed them by.
TS:...We didn't even consider politics at all. How big a part of the DM's campaign...
Luna:Not to mention that I've enjoyed the appreciation of ponies for the night sky, instead of being locked away in a dungeon. Heh heh, I would imagine in other circumstances, my bitterness would retake me, and on Nightmare Night I would rise again as Nightmare Moon in defiance of being considered a monster. I might have even considered killing you and your friends, assuring my complete dominance. Ha ha, isn't that a laugh?
TS:....ha ha.
Kaleopolitus 13th Mar 2012, 11:38 AM edit delete reply
Kaleopolitus
God damn, Lyntermas, just make a blog already xD You'll become more famous than Newbiespud!

Okay, maybe not, since he has a head start, but still!
Lyntermas 13th Mar 2012, 1:12 PM edit delete reply
But I use Newbispud's material as a springboard, I'm the flavor-text to his mechanics. Besides, I already have an appreciative audience here.

And, uh, I wouldn't go around repeating your comment while Umiyuri's in earshot. She might...take it the wrong way.
magewolf 13th Mar 2012, 3:00 PM edit delete reply
ah have 2 side with lyntermas on this one. "hell hath no fury like a laidy scorned" an all that, and besides personaly ah suck with computers an caint figger out wat a blog is other that the sound of stepin in mud.
Lyntermas 13th Mar 2012, 3:33 PM edit delete reply
I just had a thought: if Nightmare Night is more of a local Ponyville tradition rather than a national holiday, like Hearth's Warming Eve, then it is additional evidence for Ponyville being the "launching point" of the campaign against Nightmare Moon. There's a big scary statue of her for Pete's sake. Everyone in Ponyville has been taught to fear her, and that she can't be trusted. This would make her unlikely to build up a power-base from the local citizens. This would delay her rise to power and allowing the Bearers to have a "safe haven" right near NMM's castle until they figured out what to do.

At least a century of preparation, for a threat that lasted a few hours. Meh, it's still a win, and Celestia's done far more elaborate schemes to ensure far less important results.
Bronymous 13th Mar 2012, 3:46 PM edit delete reply
Bronymous
I think it is an Equestria-wide holiday, though; Ponyville is just that place where shit goes down all the time. NMM started there because that's where Celestia was holding the Celebration, and it had close proximity to the old palace. the only reason Pip hadn't celebrated before was probably because he was too young and his parents wouldn't let him. And the statue can't be that old, since Ponyville's only been around for a few decades; that or it was an old relic that was found once the town had been established.
Lyntermas 13th Mar 2012, 6:26 PM edit delete reply
In that case, my alt script might need to be revised (or it would be if I had made an account). Or most ponies know NMM only as a mythical holiday figure. Everyone not in the know believes Luna's interest in the holiday is simply to connect with the masses over a shared cultural event. It's like a happy old king with a white beard dressing up as Santa Claus for the kids, only with scares instead of toys.
Brony Is Magic 14th Mar 2012, 6:00 AM edit delete reply
Actually back when there were kings, Saint Klaus would kill the bad children instead of giving them coal. So it would be EXACTLY the same thing.
Zeeth 14th Mar 2012, 1:02 PM edit delete reply
Krampus, you mean.
kriss1989 14th Mar 2012, 8:26 PM edit delete reply
Bronymous, Ponyville is several HUNDRED years old.
Kaleopolitus 15th Mar 2012, 2:51 AM edit delete reply
Kaleopolitus
Granny Smith was there in her youth to build up Ponyville, as clearly depicted in an episode which's name I can no longer remember. So unless you're insinuating she is hundreds of years old then Ponyville is no older than 100 at max, but more likely 60-80 years.
Brony Is Magic 15th Mar 2012, 4:26 AM edit delete reply
OH, you mean Granny Smith. Granny Bacon is from the Yogscast. But yes, she and her parents and sisters were pretty much the founders of Ponyville. S2E12, "Family Appreciation Day"
Kaleopolitus 15th Mar 2012, 7:12 AM edit delete reply
Kaleopolitus
Whatever are you talking about? I never said Granny Bacon. Never ever ever. Clearly you are more tired than you would have guessed and misread.

Yes. That's it.
Pastshelfdate 9th Oct 2013, 2:24 AM edit delete reply
Lyntermas,

I really do like your story. I admit it may be because I was thinking along the same lines. Nightmare Moon could have shown up and threatened "An ordinary, restful night! ... And day will follow at the usual time." [evil laugh, anyway, because it's fun] Reactions: "Hmm. Nothing wrong with that. Love the evil laugh. Have some apple pie?"

Of course that wouldn't be dramatic, and so much of story-telling involves conflict. Still, I like yours, too. :)
Xander Cruize 13th Mar 2012, 11:36 AM edit delete reply
Well, I guess since we're all sharing...

Running a solo campaign for a friend in a new world (I literally made on up on the spot.) He is a courier/mercenary and I dangle a plot-hook in front of him to join a caravan that's going to kill a dragon.

He joins up and starts getting buddy buddy with the leader of this little escapade. He finds out that the guy's plan is, when they get close, he's going to have one of his wagon wheels break and tell the others to go ahead. Now, every other wagon is rigged with magical explosives, though nobody else knows that. He intends to send everyone else up the mountain and then just blow it all to h*ll.

So, the courier decides that he's not going to stand for this selfish bastard killing everyone and taking all the glory. He goes out to warn the dragon. This is the first "Wait, what?"

Player: "Yeah, I get on my horse and ride out to see if I can warn the dragon during the night."
Me: "Uh, okay..." roll percentiles "It just so happens that the dragon is flying around, and is aware of the little caravan. He lands in front of you."
Dragon: "Well, a tasty little morsel. What are you doing away from your group?"
Courier: "They're going to kill you with explosives. I just thought I'd warn you. It would be a shame for them to kill you."
Dragon: "Very well, for this you live. Ride home now, I will deal with them."
Courier: "Give me five minutes to grab something."

He rides back to the caravan, gets into the leader's wagon and grabs the detonator, riding out quickly. He gets a safe distance and watches as the dragon lands and starts to wreak havoc on the caravan. After a couple of minutes, this little exchange takes place.

Player: "How much of the explosive is there?"
Me: "There's about five pounds of it for every wagon, spread across the twenty wagons in the caravan, minus the leader's."
Player: "... I ride a bit further away and use the detonator."
Me: "Okay... Wait, what?!"
Player: "Yeah. Does it work?"

The bastard sets off the hundred pounds of magical C-4, blowing a huge crater in the ground. No more dragon, no more caravan, no more gentle rolling plains.
Kaleopolitus 13th Mar 2012, 11:53 AM edit delete reply
Kaleopolitus
Totally what I would have done. TOTALLY.
Lyntermas 13th Mar 2012, 12:05 PM edit delete reply
Oh yes, the courier's not going to stand for this selfish bastard killing everyone and taking all the glory.

That's his job.
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 12:24 PM edit delete reply
I agree. But I would have had another motive. If the mountain was blown up, there would be no treasure!
Taraswanwing 13th Mar 2012, 12:12 PM edit delete reply
0.o
AHHAHAHAHA....this might go on for a while.
Point is: Kobolds freakin' OWN. Kobold soldier, kobold rangers, kobold druids, KOBOLDS!
And the crazy rat catcher?
Twitch.
Twitch.
Ya, these characters are awesome.
Brony Is Magic 13th Mar 2012, 12:23 PM edit delete reply
Actually, I won the "Best Kill" and "Best Roleplay" awards. And I am known in that circle as "Ratboy".
Blue-Wolf 13th Mar 2012, 12:20 PM edit delete reply
I can remember in a NWoD game we killed the boss in one of our sessions, so the DM added a stronger version to fight, which we ended up killing also.
Colin 13th Mar 2012, 12:25 PM edit delete reply
I had had my players rig up a Hannibal Lecter-style pushcart out of bones to wheel the currently inactive warforged player about. They thought this was great fun, especially as I ruled he still had his AC and attacks had to bypass this to hit anyone behind him. He became their all-purpose riot shield and trap-springer.

The second to last combat of the campaign was these four gnolls, hooked up via umbilicals to a blob of necrotic zombified flesh that grew down from the ceiling. I described these abominations of magic being dumbstruck at the sight of a warforged being wheeled squeakily into the room first, with the rest of the party all crouching behind him.
GonzoLink 13th Mar 2012, 1:12 PM edit delete reply
I've really only just gotten into Roleplaying but I've been playing Pathfinder with a group of friends every Wednesday for little over a month now. Last week we started a new campaign with a new DM and he gave us a large group of innocently-enraged bystanders to fight off... and we managed to scare off all of them without hardly raising a fist to attack. It was kind of shitty on our part because he had introduced them to delay the campaign for another friend who was running late, but it was still hilarious nonetheless.
Nora 13th Mar 2012, 2:17 PM edit delete reply
Well, there was this one time my friend bullshit an entire crew of pirates into thinking we would burn them alive in their bunks with a bit of prestidigitation and avoided a 30-odd thug fight... And another time my friend's cleric managed to convince a village of orcs he was their new god. They gave us the artifacts we'd come for, and food, and captives, and anything we wanted...
Hennith95 13th Mar 2012, 4:38 PM edit delete reply
This happened to me in a D&D Encounters session last week.

We were fighting a battle in some swampland, which had difficult terrain scattered about the map and a river running through the middle (also counting as difficult terrain). We cleared out most of the enemies on our side of the river, and were left with two on the other side, hiding behind trees. One of the dwarves in my party ended their turn in the middle of the river, about halfway across, with only her head above the water.
I had planned on wading through the river like everyone else and shooting arrows at the enemies from there, but with the dwarf there, I got another idea. If it weren't for the difficult terrain, I had enough movement to make it just to the other bank of the river...

Me: Would it be possible for me to use the dwarf as a stepping stone?

The DM counted out my path, then had me make three skill checks: an Athletics check to jump onto the dwarf's shoulders, an Acrobatics check to stay on her shoulders, and another Athletics check to make it to the far bank. I came up slightly lower than I needed to on the last one, so my character faceplanted into the far bank.

I still had an attack action left, so I tried to shoot my bow from the ground at the nearest enemy. Once again, I missed, and was prepared to end my turn when someone else said "Wait, don't you have Elven Accuracy?" It let me re-roll the attack roll, so I did and got a 19.

The DM decided that the re-roll was actually ricochet, so the arrow went past the minion, bounced off of some trees, and came back to hit him.

DM: I don't like you anymore, you kill all my guys.
Azureink 13th Mar 2012, 5:06 PM edit delete reply
Azureink
I'm also going to be running that D&D Encounter at my local game store soon.
xuincherguixe 13th Mar 2012, 5:28 PM edit delete reply
Pretty much any time the fact my character single handedly killed a troll (CR 5 compared to my level 4) the reaction is stunned silence. It seems like it's going to keep coming up too.

In the same campaign our Elf Bard decides to open the door. A moment before the mayor was about to explain not to do that because there's traps everywhere. The magic only lets him by and what not.

Nearly electrocutes himself to death.

Our party mascot (A wind elemental.) goes to look at the door. And then finds he gets *stuck* on it. The magic was pulling him in like a magnet. At first this looked to be an inconvience as he had appropriate energy resistance. But that looked like it wasn't entirely true and he was starting to get hurt. Long story short my character put himself into a trance and drew on his psychic connection in order to temporarily share the energy resistance and rip him off the wall.

Granted that was the DMs idea, my intuition on a few things just happened to be mostly correct. Mayor was pretty stunned about the whole thing.

... And so were all the PCs.
Dingobabee 13th Mar 2012, 5:30 PM edit delete reply
I've got two stories where everyone kindof just went, 0_o wow..., over a charecter's abilities.
First off, was when my eladrin rouge made it to the dungeon far ahead of the rest of the party, like by hours due to some sort of bounus getting accross flat ground... The fun part was when she tried to get inside, she was badly outnumbered and couldn't see where the enemys were, so this level one charecter decides to pull of something incredible. She leaps around the door, stabs the nearest enemy and leaps back around, adn does this succsessfully several times, getting around twice and hitting an enemy every time without even knowing where they are exactly, so she kills more then half of them by the time the rest of the party gets there and the GM is just wondering how this happened.
The second time was when our party wound up getting in over their heads fighing some undead, everyone was at negitive HP except our wizard who is now affectionately reffered to as our level 4 Gandelf, pulled some dailys, leveled the undeads that the rest of us had barely dented, dragged our sorry butts back to a defensible position and turned some goblins to ash before they could even react. Needless to say, we all looked at this guy with shock and awe, dude had created a wall and kept everyone from dieing that day.
technopony 13th Mar 2012, 6:07 PM edit delete reply
Here's a novel story:
Ok, my monk, whom I've got decked out with various Dex increasing gear until he's basically spider-man, was chasing our recurring villain across the tops of a castle (at least 10 stories up). The villain, being a smug bastard, tackled me and knocked us both off the roof and went incorporeal...somehow, don't remember. but, anyway. I was falling, clearly about to die, until I used a grappling hook to swing back onto the sheer wall of the castle (With modifiers and ranks, I got like a 28 on my use rope check) I used my wall slide to spring off the wall and literally hop back and forth between a few towers. I rolled a crit on two different jump checks (a hail mary moment if I ever saw one) and did ok on the last tumble check. I ended up only taking 5 damage for a fall of over 100 feet. My DM basically had a brain-melt :D
Zeeth 14th Mar 2012, 1:10 PM edit delete reply
That sounds like a right Prince of Persia moment, there!
Zodo 13th Mar 2012, 9:42 PM edit delete reply
Ok, so my story isn't that epic, but the GM I stunned is.

I won a charity auction to have a seat at a gaming table of Old School D&D run by Gary Gygax himself. In Old School (beige box, original edition), all weapons do a d6 of damage.

I am playing a big dumb fighter. The rest of the party chipped in to get me nice armor, a good helmet, and a decent sword.

We end up fighting skeletons, which take half damage from edged weapons. I cry out that my sword isn't working right. The reply is that I have to hit it with something blunt.

My three brain cells click for a moment, and then I look to Mr. Gygax and say "I hit it with my helmet."

He raises an eyebrow and says it really isn't all that heavy to use as a weapon. My reply: "I didn't say I took it off!"

The great Gary Gygax stares at me... then after a few seconds, shrugs and says, "Roll to hit!" I do so, and score a hit. "Full damage?" "Yeah yeah, full damage"

And I spent the rest of that fight, headbutting skeletons to death!
darkwulf23 13th Mar 2012, 11:39 PM edit delete reply
darkwulf23
Every player looks forward to the day when the DM's reaction is "eh, what the hell, sure." Bonus points that you got the man himself to agree with you.
Derpmind 14th Mar 2012, 10:03 PM edit delete reply
Good thinking!
Pastshelfdate 16th Oct 2013, 5:12 AM edit delete reply
Hi, Zodo,
Thanks for sharing that. I know GG had to look a bit past the way actual butchers easily cut through bones (against hard surfaces), but he created a great game mechanic, an interesting challenge for players, a need to diversify, at least in a party. I'm sure he enjoyed the way he made you think. :-)
leafia6 13th Mar 2012, 11:01 PM edit delete reply
If we ever get to Luna Eclipsed, reformed Luna's personality in this webcomic will be quite interesting.
Jomoru 13th Mar 2012, 11:53 PM edit delete reply
So we are playing Earthdawn, I am playing an Orkish questor of Lochost(kind of a priest of the god of freedom) who was also generally a warrior.

So we'd been causing a bunch of problems along the way and had recently freed a caravan of slaves. So its raining and our windling(pixie type thing) thief decides she doesn't need to be on guard duty and goes inside to sleep.

So in the middle of the watch she abandoned we get woken up by a sound, I peek out first and recognize its Harbinger(basically an Angel) of Dis(God of Slavery). So while the rest of the group is putting on armor, getting ready I charge it with my hammer basically in my shorts.

Earthdawn has a unique system of rolling, if you get the highest you can on a dice you roll it again, and if you do it again you get to go on and so forth theorietically forever. Also if you rolled well enough you could ignore armor, knock people down etc.

Suffice to say my frothing zealot smashes the harbinger down knocking it prone and serverly injuring it. I continue agressively attacking(which puts me at a penalty to be hit.. so I am pretty much all in for violence here) as soon as the thing spends a round getting up.. I knock it back down. I keep doing this with insane rolls, rolls that say I do double damage, rolls that go for twice what the dice should have. Before ANYONE else can interact I have killed this thing. This thing that was meant to be a challenge for the party.

Suffice to say I basically caused my God's jaw to drop from the action
Brony Is Magic 14th Mar 2012, 6:06 AM edit delete reply
Splody dice are the best!
kriss1989 14th Mar 2012, 8:45 PM edit delete reply
Your god of Freedom has now gotten a suite of rooms ready for you for utterly destroying an angel of Dis like that.
Dispatch Rabbi 14th Mar 2012, 5:47 AM edit delete reply
So we're playing a D&D one-shot campaign that is a reunion game for a game we played for 5 years. Our party (level 20, natch) is in the Elemental Plane of Earth, and we've been asked to kill the big baddie that's terrorizing the entire plane. So the guard lets us into the place where they have it trapped, clearly never expecting to see us again. We buff, and start combat.

The first round goes okay, scoring some hits, but mostly it gets our fighters and paladins into position. Then our paladin gets sent away by Maze and my character brings her back... right next to the line of other fighting characters. They all charge as one at the monster, and the four of them roll: 20, 20, 20, 19. Confirm, confirm, confirm.

The thing drops dead. We go up to the door, knock, and report to the guard that the monster is dead... about 30 seconds after he let us in. After that realization, the DM was speechless... and so was the rest of the table.

We spent another good hour stripping and salvaging the monster before returning to the center of the Earth Plane and declaring the thing dead, just to be polite.
AABaker 14th Mar 2012, 9:31 AM edit delete reply
So I'm playing a monk, the same one that talked a tribe of Sahuagin into a peace treaty with the dwarf town.

The group is on a ship, heading for that encounter with the Sahuagin when we're attacked on deck by water elementals.

The battle is going well, but there's a problem.

The remaining elementals are on the far side of the deck, and most of the party is having trouble getting over to them because of a large, open hatch that drops into the cargo hold.

So, I get a clever idea. One of my at-wills gives me the option to use a move action to do a long jump. So, I jump for it and roll a really good acrobatics check.

I ended up doing a rolling jump all the way across the hatch and land right next to the two remaining elementals.

Unfortunately, do to some poor planning on my part, I missed my attack. But I did manage to land in flanking position and it was still one of the coolest things I've ever done in a D and D game.
fijkus 14th Mar 2012, 10:13 AM edit delete reply
The first encounter of my first campaign involved an alien clocktower showing up. My PCs, though a combination of skill and roleplay, ended up

1) Killing all the goblins
2) Kill some of the kobolds, and convincing the rest to leave when it was discovered that the leader was in a love triangle with the survivors.
3) Talk the soul doll's duel into a duel to the first wound rather than a duel to the death.
4) Claim the clocktower for their base.

My first response was bureaucracy. They were claiming a domicile on royal lands and were wanting to make improvements to something that was already a small fortification, not to mention the small matter of property and use taxes once they turned the area into a small cottage community.
Kaleopolitus 14th Mar 2012, 10:45 AM edit delete reply
Kaleopolitus
I remember that story from many months back :D 't was a good story.
Kalica 14th Mar 2012, 10:28 AM edit delete reply
I'm more likely to get the DM stare for epic fails. "Hrm, there's a snake in this recess in the wall, curved over treasure. I fire my bow to kill it." Roll. 1. "Your arrow bounces off the wall, the ceiling, and into the berzerker's ass."

Though, one time, Champion's campaign, i.e. superheroes, we were supposed to be sneaking into this corperation. Problem is, meattanks go Hulk Smash on the front door. So we come under heavy fire, security mecha, the works. In a moment of frustration, my psychic character goes, "I lift the attacking mecha using telekinisis, and spin it really fast in the air to disorient the pilot." "Roll." "Natural 20." "....... the mecha spins, bullets from the gun turrets tearing into the defending forces. Congradulations, you just killed them all."
Brony Is Magic 14th Mar 2012, 11:02 AM edit delete reply
I've seen some epic fails in my time. The most notable one involving a sorcerer's snake familiar to try going under a door, which wound up making to much noise (The snake was too big to go through, but the sorcerer insisted it keep trying), and the whole party getting butt-raped by 30 or so guards.
technopony 14th Mar 2012, 11:15 AM edit delete reply
Gotta love superhero campaigns
Zodo 15th Mar 2012, 5:32 AM edit delete reply
Don't you mean a 'natural 3'? Champions uses 3d6 to hit, and a 3 is a critical :)

/pedant
Guest 14th Mar 2012, 2:51 PM edit delete reply
Well, the DM wasn't exactly speechless, but there was this campaign where we were all a custom magic armor class (with rules flexible enough to permit roleplaying anything from Evangelion to Nanoha; I was the latter) and our very first encounter was a holographic training sim to see how good we all were at controlling our respective magic armors after having spent various amounts of time in cryogenic stasis, and having never used them before.

We were all level ten, and the enemy was, I believe, CR 20. After all, we were being tested; we weren't actually expected to win. Just by way of example, when we opened combat I spent every single point of my energy stat to fire a 6d8 laser I could at the giant holographic training robot...only for it to be completely unscathed, because I hadn't passed its magic resistance.

The only problem was, almost every single player had attached a grappling hook to their suits, and one of us had taken size category upgrades to become one rank short of Gargantuan, which meant that we spent about half an hour with our various robots pinning down the enemy robot and punching it, while I tried to figure out some way to contribute to the fight (I was one of two dudes without a grappling hook).

Eventually the DM just said "Okay, CLEARLY you guys are using these mechs EXACTLY as they were designed, so we're going to just fast-forward to the end. Banjo, you were obviously planning something, so let's close this with whatever you were going to do." So I got to use my ability to fly, combined with my ability to ignore 30 feet or so of falling damage, to do a
banjo2E 14th Mar 2012, 2:53 PM edit delete reply
Dammit, didn't mean to hit post there.

So I got to use my ability to fly, combined with my ability to ignore 30 feet or so of falling damage, to do a falling charge at the enemy robot to finish it off.

Later on my (female) character spontaneously grew a mustache, to shut up two of our other members who kept ranting about everything needing more mustache. It was a fun session; I just wish it'd grown into an actual campaign.
Kaleopolitus 14th Mar 2012, 3:19 PM edit delete reply
Kaleopolitus
That's pretty cool. I enjoyed watching MGLN quite a bit. It had a very well made combat system too and I've always wanted to somehow replicate it.
Merellis 14th Mar 2012, 4:47 PM edit delete reply
The only time I managed to make the other PC's and my DM go slack jawed was when my character died. I was playing a beserker druid that spent 24/7 as a bear.

He sent a crazy gestalted celestial monk after us because we had spent most of the evil campaign just ripping through things and he was tired of it all.

The abomination shows up just after a difficult fight with a flight of dragons and while we're mostly separated. A few blade barriers are laid down and our mage hides in a separate dimension and is downing healing potions like they're going out of style while me and our rogue head in. I cast my only spell remaining that day, an obscuring mist, to cover our allies and start entering a frenzy to just tear into these angels.

The gestalted one dispels my mist but also manages to get rid of the whirling blades of death, leaving me free reign to pounce on him.

I charge and try to grapple, missing the first time.

He flies higher and starts casting on the others. Then it's my turn again.

Angry Bear: How high up is he? -rolls spot-
DM: About 75 feet in the air.
AB: I stand at 60 feet... I JUMP AT HIM.

Everyone just kind of stops talking as I proceed to jump at the angel and start grappling in mid-air.
Merellis 14th Mar 2012, 4:56 PM edit delete reply
The angel is trying to break free of this raving bear that seems to be holding onto him in mid-air, but no matter how high he's rolled for his grapple check my modifier is just flat out silly.

One round away from pinning and being able to coup-de-grace him mid air and the angel decides to plane-shift to his celestial realm.

In my frenzy, in my unlimited hate for this foe, I hold on and follow.

Suddenly I'm in the celestial realms, surrounded by other angels, who are all pissed that I'm there strangling their champion.

My turn again, I pin the angel, victory is in my sights. This champion of justice that he had built specifically to kill our party at our weakest, was about to fall to nothing but a huge bear.

Then the other angels enter the grapple, to save time I only rolled once while he rolled for all of them, I rolled a 12, and apparently some of them rolled 20's.

I was pulled off and the damn gestalt plane-shifts back to start killing the rest of them.

Too bad he didn't stay to stop me, for the last 10 rounds of my undying frenzy I proceed to carve a path of destruction on the rest of these angels. Eating, clawing, rending, everything I could.

I finally fell dead, but I had taken 60 other angels down on their home turf, and had managed to create a tradition of the celestial races to hunt down bears on sight.

Angry Bear: 1 Angels: 0

I may have died, but I terrified them for centuries with that one attack on their home realm.
Brony Is Magic 14th Mar 2012, 5:01 PM edit delete reply
...

I don't think bears can jump very well...
Merellis 14th Mar 2012, 5:06 PM edit delete reply
Certainly do when he stood at 60 feet tall and had a 10 foot reach, and a ton of points in jump. It was the best part of that entire campaign for me, beyond diving into a bush to rip a sneaky rogue apart. :D
Brony Is Magic 14th Mar 2012, 5:24 PM edit delete reply
Oh, wait, the bear was 60 FEET TALL? DAMN THAT'S A BIG BEAR! Fragging Ursa Major there, bro. So yeah, I guess I could see a 5 foot jump. From a fudging giant bear.
technopony 14th Mar 2012, 5:52 PM edit delete reply
*insert bear force joke here*
kriss1989 14th Mar 2012, 8:53 PM edit delete reply
But Bears can't jump at all. Literally. Their body is designed in such a way that it is literally impossible for them to jump even as little as a fifteenth of a centimeter.
Brony Is Magic 15th Mar 2012, 4:21 AM edit delete reply
Okay, maybe the bear just stood up on its tip-toes.
kriss1989 14th Mar 2012, 8:37 PM edit delete reply
Lets see,there was the time my players managed to get control of a pirate crew for the purposes of going to the dread Archipelago of DOOM *thunder clap* in order to search for a piece of the doomsday artifact. So how did they get the crew to agree to go to one of the most forbidding and deadly areas on the planet? Especially since they can't advertise "Doomsday device capable of blowing up continents right this way!".

Warlock: We go in search of...the mythical food known as....ice cream.

Me: What?

Warlock: Yes my friends, ice cream. A sweet and delicious food lost to the ages. With this recipe, we will make a fortune in the culinary world and we're willing to pay handsomely to get transport to acquire the legendary food.

Me: ....roll bluff.

Warlock: Lets see that's an 18 plus 14 so that's 32.

Me: *natural 1* .....the crew starts shouting in jubilation and starts getting ready to depart for the Archipelago of Doom *thunder clap*.

That's right, the Warlock bribed a bloodthirsty pirate hoard with ice cream.
Brony Is Magic 15th Mar 2012, 4:01 AM edit delete reply
Hell, I'd go for the ice cream KNOWING I'd be sailing to the Archipelago of DOOM *Thunderclap*
Urthdigger 15th Mar 2012, 1:56 AM edit delete reply
Urthdigger
So, I've mentioned Sakeek the Brave, Celestial weasel of snark and ass-kicking. But I've never mentioned the story of how he came to be, which was one of those moments that left a DM speechless.

It was the start of what was to be an epic campaign, but for me it was simply my first campaign playing as a wizard. I had a book of spells, a weasel familiar, and the realization that the ship we started the campaign on had just come under attack. With enough HP to get killed in a single hit and a paltry assortment of spells, I looked over my resources. ALL my resources. Then I noticed my weasel familiar has a higher AC and to-hit than I do (Go go dex/size bonuses), and that I can make it deliver touch spells for me. So, next turn after the realization, I transferred Shocking Grasp to my weasel, and had it attack the nearest bad guy. I rolled a 20 to hit, confirmed a crit for kicks, got a 6 on my damage roll, and finished the guy off. The DM was silent for a while, before declaring that my weasel crawled up the bad guy's leg and gave him an electrified bite to the crotch for the kill, before declaring "Congratulations, you just managed to kill someone with a weasel."

He spent the first half of the campaign being called "The Electric Crotch Weasel" before assuming the mantle of "Most Badass Overlord Under 2 Feet Tall". Even as the campaign proceeded to higher and higher levels, Shocking Grasp was kept as his signature move, being combined with maximized and empowered metamagic feats to keep it somewhat competitive as I went on.

I'm honestly surprised nobody ever called him Pikachu. Not even when his fur become yellow (Well, golden) when he became Celestial.
McBehrer 17th Mar 2012, 4:58 PM edit delete reply
That was my MO for my Sorcerer in 3.5. He had 3 bat familiars, all of which could be enspelled with Shocking Grasp (my spell of choice) from a distance, and didn't take attacks of opportunity. That was what I did every single round.
dzamie 16th Mar 2012, 5:42 AM edit delete reply
dzamie
Rendering the DM or NPCs speechless? Sure.

The DM sent the group to a town, where we were told by the mayor to "help control a young law-breaker." After he asks us to just help him calm down (apparently the villagers were scared shitless by one of his connections), we depart towards where he is expected to be.
Well, half of us do that. The other half of the group sneaks off to kill the scoundrel's fearsome connection, without letting the citizens or the mayor know (The DM decides that we do enough damage that the Glass Cannon who was the criminal's intimidation weapon would die during the surprise round).
So my Dragonborn character and the group's bard venture to the scene of the crime, where we find a Tiefling child stealing from a store. After noticing us, he walks right in front of us and says "What, another lecture? Go on then."
The bard decides that he would try to distract the boy while I attempt to return the stolen goods, so he asks the DM what the flashiest thing he can do is. The answer was apparently Detect Evil (we're playing slightly altered rules). Unfortunately for the boy, it turns out positive for evil, and I decide to smash his face in with a pair of flails. Then this conversation happens.
DM: "You realize, of course, that you just killed a child."
Me: "He was evil. I am a good-aligned character. It was bound to happen."
DM: "But you callously disregarded the city's laws in favor of outright killing the guy!"
Me: "Of course I did, he was a Tiefling!"
DM: "What the deuce does that have to do with it?!"
Me: "Well, I'm a dragonborn, aren't I? I don't like Tieflings."
Everyone watched as the DM picked up a page of notes, crumpled them into a little ball, and tossed them into the trash.
DM: "I hope you don't expect XP for this encounter."
Me: "Normally, yes, but since that guy may have been important to you, not really."

The players looked at the notes the DM had discarded after the session, and we discovered that he was going to be part of an intricate political web of confusion, planned to be about ten sessions long.
McBehrer 17th Mar 2012, 5:11 PM edit delete reply
Oh, man. I have a great one that just happened this past Wednesday.

Pathfinder, we're all level 3. There are 6 of us, and we come across a red wyrmling in a burning monestary. CR 10, supposedly.

Our Alchemist takes giant growth and stone fist, then just grabs the wyrmling and holds it on the ground for the whole fight, while the rest of us just pummel it.

Our cavalier (who rides a scorpion, but is represented by a Princess Celestia figure because it fits EXACTLY 2 squares) charges at it multiple times, and can't hit it. In desperation, he asks if the scorpion can pinch it. The DM says "ok, as long as it gets a 20."

He rolls 20 on the attack AND the confirmation roll.

That's not the fun part, though. The next round he charges...

and does the exact same thing. 20 on the attack AND crit confirm. with a lance. In a mounted charge.

That takes the normal damage of 1d8+4 and multiplies it by 2 because it's a charge and again by 3 because it's a crit, for a total of 55 damage.

The dragon died, the party named it Jose the Brutally Impaled Dragon (on a STEEK) and the DM decided that the lance spontaneously transformed into a +2 Allying lance as a reward for his badassitude, since he couldn't take Hero Points.

The funniest part, though, was that the allying lance was going to be a drop already, and the typed up description was "this elegant lance is decorated with breathtaking images that tell the story of a mighty warrior defeating a fearsome dragon."

And then we hit level 4.
76mumbles 17th Mar 2012, 11:44 PM edit delete reply
I don't know how truly impressive this is, but it shut the DM up for about thirty seconds. My party is climbing up aforementioned mountain, when 3 dark stalkers come out. We're fighting them all normal, one is dead, one is at full health, and the other has twelve health left. I target the one with twelve health and, as a joke, punch it instead of using my dual rapiers. I didn't expect to even hit it. The thing is, I have a viper familiar that always stays coiled around my arm, so I state that my viper bites at the same time. The DM gives me an odd look, but rolls with it. I roll with a natural 20. I go with the 2d4 damage, and get a 3 both times. 3×2×2=12. Exactly what I needed to kill him.

DM: "As your fist slams into him and shatters his jaw, your snake sinks its long, venomous fangs into his flesh and... and... Oh **** it, I don't know how a snake bite would kill him."
Me: "Did I seriously just punch a dude... with a SNAKE!?"
DM: "...I'm going to go buy a bagle while I contemplate how to make sure this doesn't happen again"

And so, the Viper Punch was born.
Raico 22nd Mar 2012, 2:44 AM edit delete reply
As for making the DM speechless and blowing a hole in logic i got a fun little story.

Me and a few of my friends are playing NWoD and each have our own special talents that we excel in. At the point i begin we are under siege in a old mansion by a human with a demon fused into his soul. He climbs up to the second story window and begins beating his way in. One of our teammates is at almost dead status and runs up with nothing but a half empty blowtorch and a pistol. He tries to set the thing on fire with little effect. So he backs up a bit and throws the can. At like a -6 penalty to hit the can he rolls a incredible roll blows up the can completely demolishes the wall and deals a decent bit of damage to the now pissed demon guy. And during this entire explosion he is completely shit faced so his reaction to the bright light is to put a pair of sunglasses on as fire blows past him without him taking any damage. We all laughed for a good 10 minutes after that.

So now this big baddie is barreling into the mansion through the hole past the guy who made the explosion and off the second story railing to the floor below. Naturally i decide that instead of taking the stairs down i take my spear jump off the balcony down onto the guy and impale him into the ground. My team mates then continue in a single round to completely decimate the Being and make him nothing but a pile of mush. This all being in one turn mind you.

Now after we ruin our DM's plot for him he decides to free the demon from the body and in another single round we kill the demon and send it back to wherever without a single casualty and walk out of the now half burned down mansion.

And that was the end of our first campaign.
13luemoons 1st Apr 2012, 9:44 PM edit delete reply
I had my PC's running around on a (relatively...) small island hunting artifact that were supposed to be 'well guarded' by a bunch of epic level people (who are so chaotic they shouldn't be trusted with a banana, seriously, the epic druid turned it into a +5 banana of disarming).
Anyways, when they meet someone who's ACTUALLY staying there guarding the artifacts, they proceed to demonstrate their competence. The paladin/harrowed explains how he was "keeping them safe" and it "took a little to realize the intense magical aura was leaking" so he "just slapped another inch of lead on the box, just to be sure". He then says "Wait, I have both of them in my bag here" Unbeknownst to him, the monk (distrusting his safekeeping for very good reason) had already stolen the artifacts out of his bag and given them to the summoner.
The paladin then tries (very quickly and not very effectively) to cover up saying "Well, I've lost them, but I can guarantee you that they're in a safe place. Summoner, do you happen to know where they are?".
Quite a few bottles of Everclear, a quick nap, 2 unconscious party members (the ranger and bard unceremoniously knocked out in front of the keeper), and a wand-of-alcohol-diffusion later, the epic level spellcaster {Probably wizard... I'm still not sure yet...} finally gets proof that the items are in fact, relatively safe and then proceeds to give them a little more lore to ponder over.
The paladin's generally the good one when it comes to these kinds of things, the bard and the ranger are much worse (they were knocked out to avoid making the situation worse).
Bron 11th May 2012, 4:29 AM edit delete reply
Just saying I love this comic.
Now for RPG madness stories.

My first DnD character was a fighter/rogue who was specialised in ranged weapons, I'd put plenty of points into intelligence and so had lots of skill points that I'd mainly spent on knowledge skills as well as some utility skills. We were fighting our way through a dungeon and there hadn't really been any chance for me to either sneak attack or fight anyone at range until we came up against the boss monster of the dungeon a fairly high level (compared to us we were about level 7 or 8 I think as a max) red dragon. Everyone was discussing what to do (the group argued over any difficult thing endlessly we wern't very functional, as can be probably evidenced by the fact that the biggest cause of player death was either other pc's or themselves) so I said to the gm that I'd sneak attack the dragon using multi-shot and rapid shot (I think those are the right feats) using my enchanted composite short bow (increased threat range and magically fires two arrows for each shot you actually fire of the same ammunition) and using bane arrows (a homebrew campaign specific magic item that increases the threat range of any weapon they are used with if they are of the specific sort (in this case red dragons)) now as the gm allowed you to crit with all shots fired if you rolled sufficiently and confirmed for all of them and with my threat range massively increased all the shots hit and all of them criticalled. The gm described the dragon basically exploding as I'd done so much damage to it in one go. The rest of the party was stunned and my character gained a reputation for being a crazy prepared batman like character throughout the game world.......

Same game with same gm, the house rule was that if a bag of holding is destroyed anything kept in the bag of holding is now cut off in its own little pocket dimension and is unreachable. Thus when fighting a recurring bad guy who had repeatedly been resurrected in the past to plague us again instead of killing him we beat him unconscious and then slapped him in a bag of holding and set it on fire the gm actually cried at that.........
Ramsus 30th May 2012, 9:37 PM edit delete reply
So we were doing Shadowrun and I was playing a cybersam (cyber samurai for those unfamiliar with the term)/ninja. This isn't so much a super jaw dropping all around tale but, three things I did all in the same large multi-part fight scene (involving a bunch of yakuza, spirits, and robots) that were pretty impressive.

The first was that I was holding a door position against some yakuza trying to break in. We had hastily reinforced the door and it was blown right off of it's hinges. I dodge the door, declare I dash in before I can even see what's on the other side, cut down on yakuza goon, a second, and then the the third who had just finished reloading his rocket launcher which I take from him as he's falling to the ground.

The second happened not much later. A bunch of small aerial drones that were basically just small flying turrets had landed themselves on the roof of the structure (I believe it was in fact an abandoned grocery store). A large truck (something like a U-haul or the like) comes into the parking lot. We all immediately guess that it's probably full of more enemies. So I dash out of the building to the truck. The drones of course all fire at me. I roll so well that the GM describes this as my character having basically outrun the bullets (in that movie style where the bullets all hit right behind where the character is running) and to top it off, as the back of the truck is just starting to open I lob in two grenades. This completely destroys all of, what turned out to be, a whole lot more drones.

The third. A car drives through a nearby fence (we saw it coming so I'd already been running up to where we figured it would enter). Four yakuza guys get out just as I arrive. On one turn I hack apart the two guys on my side of the car who just got out. The next turn, I decide I don't want to slowly crawl through the car or take the time to go around of over it, so I dive spinning straight through it and come out chopping the other two guys down, the first before I even hit the ground (on my feet, of course).

Overall I took almost no damage and pretty much one hit killed everything I attacked due to awesome rolls the entire scene.
Lady Chaomii 1st Jul 2012, 12:57 AM edit delete reply
*Long depraved sigh*

Don't even get me started. Applejack taking on an entire high level encounter on her lonesome. Snowflake shooting a boss in the face and killing them instantly -Before the fight even started-. And best of all the long long LONG roleplaying bits that come in between it all.
J-Kwez 8th Aug 2012, 8:43 PM edit delete reply
My bard accidentally caused a civil war by recommending the wrong king candidate for the throne. And killed a kraken via celestial porpoises and the power of music. Etc.
Tatsurou 7th Oct 2012, 10:35 PM edit delete reply
I don't really remember all the details - it was a long time ago, at least a decade, don't even remember what edition it was - but here goes.

I was with a role play group, and before we started crafting characters, we decided who'd be what role. I got picked as leader, so, since negotiations seemed to me to be the leader's job, I crafted my character around that. Don't remember all the details, but I maxed Charisma and whatever else would let me talk my way through things.

When we started, this seemed a winning strategy. I managed to be pretty eloquent in the roleplay situations, so I actually managed to talk our way through most of the obstacle involving enemies, NPCs, and the like. Unfortunately, this meant that we reached the final boss - an arch demoness set to enslave the world - 10 levels underleveld. We were screwed.

BArbarian: Hey leader! You got us into this. Try and talk your way out of this! *laugh*
Me: Um, okay, Demoness...I flirt with the demoness, paying her fullsome compliments.
(I waxed eloquent, but don't remember what I said)
All other players: *laugh*
DM: Alright, *snicker* roll, see how you do.
Me: *roll* Umm...natural 20.
All other players: *jawdrop*
DM: Okay, Demoness Will Save...*roll*... ... ...
Everyone else: What?
DM: Guess who just got a seriously overpowered familiar spirit?

(Or something like that. DM rolled a 1.)
Kitsuko 7th Oct 2012, 11:16 PM edit delete reply
.... .... .... Holy...Shit thats incredible
Valron 10th Oct 2012, 3:29 AM edit delete reply
In our Legend of the 5 Rings game, our GM loves making really detailed and active NPC that travel and fight with the group. One such NPC is our bounty hunter player's business partner (they hunt bounties together and the NPC has a slight mentor role). This NPC is the oldest character in our group at around 30 (the next oldest is my 26 year old), who is the most world weary of the group and didn't join us until after the crazy epic prologue we went through in the evil Taintlands, where all the monsters are. So, after fighting off shadow ninjas, kidnapping a corrupt magistrate, and killing a giant LAVA NAGA, the NPC pulled the bounty hunter PC aside and said, paraphrasing, "This stuff is completely nuts. I'm getting out of here. You can choose between me or them." We haven't gotten to the point where he leaves yet, but he'll probably be gone in the next game or two. While I suspect the GM had this planned for this NPC, it still fits the bill. If you want to see the GM's mind break, see my comment for #88.
ShadowStar 11th Jul 2013, 7:50 PM edit delete reply
DM: "The ogre is furious, it raises its club to attack."

Halfling rouge: "I kick it in the nards!"

-_-
APersonAmI 18th Aug 2015, 9:21 PM edit delete reply
I was playing in a steampunk pathfinder campaign, where a character who lost the person they loved tried to bring them back by altering time itself, which ended up triggering the city this took place in to be sealed in a bubble separate from time itself, caught in a endless, rainy night.

Also, Urgotha took this as a chance to attempt to enter the material plane herself, and we were facing a massive undead incursion, in addition to the massive reality warping already going on.

One of the effects of this was that suddenly, the most successful tailor in this city had "always" a Drider.

I loved her. The party distrusted her to the very end, sure she would turn on us.

The speechlessness? Caused when my character decided to hug the Drider, as thanks for a new dress.

The Drider was rather surprised, as she felt the small form wrap their arms around her neck, as she closed her arms around them in turn, as she felt the humans ribcage go up and down with hear breathing, as she felt her heart pump body throught that sweet, succulent flesh... and then the moment was over, my character was placed back down on the floor, and the Drider tailor distractedly pointed to a screen behind which to change into her brand new armor.

And that is how my character hugged a Drider, and was alive afterwards, not even aware that this was strange.
TheFullCrumb 26th Nov 2015, 1:31 PM edit delete reply
TheFullCrumb
I guess I should put something here, shouldn't I?

I'm a relatively inexperienced DM, which is why I initially chose D&D Gamma World as a base to use.

Except that wasn't what ended up happening.

This is 10 Rad Tales, you know, like radiation?

The adventure started out like the module in the main rulebook "Steading of the Iron King." I had planned to use the first two encounters to introduce the two guys I had (One guy, with a pony character, wasn't able to join us) to the wonderful world of Gamma World.

You have Stetson, an Android Electrokinetic, who started me on my whole "Things my party is NOT allowed to do" document. He was a robot cowboy. Then there's Ichabob Craze, the Hypercognitive Gravity Controller... with a charisma of something like 16.

Now, we're fighting in the first encounter, when the player who made Ichabob pipes in about something.

PC: Can I charm the Porker?
DM: Uhm... what?
PC: I want to roll to charm the porker!
DM: Okay. Roll an Interaction check against a Will save then.
PC: Natural 20... plus 8!

At that point, the Porker, called "Bacon" by the party, proceeded to miss EVERY HIT on the former allies of it. Not to mention I kept messing up the rolls and Badders fell and died in the radioactive crater of doom.

That was the FIRST encounter. I didn't let them keep the porker, instead making them have to fight it.

So, we're onto the second encounter, where they decide it's a good time to start ARGUING with themselves, and me. Ichabob asks for what the tower looks like, so I mention what it looks like, including the top of the tower. Stetson is not paying attention, just crying as he missed every attack. (The dice were cursed on both sides.)

Ichabob manages to open the hatch, after Stetson and him ATTEMPTED to use Mechanics to open it (Critical failures, both), by shooting the thing open. He sees the big lion-bat monster known as a Yexel, and decides, right then and there, he wants to throw his grenade at the beast. Sighing, I let him throw it. The Yexel has 88 hp. 28 damage from a Fish-Killer Grenade OmegaTech. I'm sure something was wrong, but that wasn't the part that rendered ME speechless.

They're fighting on the ground later, Stetson failing his extra arm roll and running around without arms for a bit, when Ichabob's player decides to JUMP ON THE YEXEL. "Yes, the bat-monster that has tried eating you, hitting you with its massive wings, and has LASER EYES, and you want to jump on it? Fine."

He made every roll. EVERY SINGLE ROLL. He jumps on the Yexel as Stetson regains his arms, and he KILLS the Yexel.

The Badders also fell off their towers constantly. I can't roll well on Roll20.net.

So, the Robot and the Crazy Man will be joined by the pony in the next leg of the adventure, where they enter new territory made by me in the building known only as Union Robotics.
Brandi 3rd May 2016, 10:30 AM edit delete reply
It was D&D 3.5 and only a handful of sessions into my very first DMing experience. A seasoned roleplayer helped fill up my lacking group.

Me: "At the end of the tunnel you see a bugbear step out and say, "I am Bloodstar and I--"
Seasoned dude: I throw a handaxe!
Me: You... you what?
Dude: I throw a handaxe. I have quick-draw. Natural 20.
Me: You... WHAT!?... Fine, you kill the bugbear, splitting his head... Suddenly, a goblin hops out, mourning the loss of Bloodstar and delivering the rest of his exposition... >_>