Page 882 - Kayfabe Break

16th Mar 2017, 6:00 AM
Kayfabe Break
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Newbiespud 16th Mar 2017, 6:00 AM edit delete
Newbiespud
Sorry for the lack of non-comic content, for those who watch my other stuff. February and March have been very stressful.

Anyway, stories about taking a dive. Sure!

15 Comments:

Matt Reverse 16th Mar 2017, 6:12 AM edit delete reply
Matt Reverse
I'm the first to post today! *gasp*
I don't really have a story for today, tho.
I mean, I have a story about a character sacrificing himself, but it wasn't for the benefit of another player, so I don't think it counts.
Digo Dragon 16th Mar 2017, 6:40 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
Okay, so the party was at one of those cheap hotels (think Holiday Inn) and it had a pool. Despite the fact we're a bunch of weirdos with only half of us actually being human, the party really wanted to set their sights on the hotel pool outside.

Sure, so we wait until nightfall when no one is using it and the party sneaks in for a swim. The Grrreat and Powerful Trrrixie isn't really interested in the pool (the corner convenience store didn't sell bathing suits in pony sizes), but she came along because the rest of the party egged her on.

And this is how the party started to realize that Trixie doesn't like backing down from a dare. It wouldn't make sense in Trixie's mind--she's Great & Powerful. Anything you can do, she can do better.

Except when a skill check is involved.

Yeah, see Paul (the alien guy on the team) thought it would be hilarious to see Trixie attempt to climb the ladder up the diving board. So he convinces James (the wolf-eared British MI-6 agent) and River (the time traveler from the past's future) to egg Trixie into climbing up the ladder.

Trixie can't back down (ego points are at stake here), so she makes the attempt. She's not a very physical pony, and so she stumbles and slips up a few times in her climb. Oh, but climb she did, because nothing awards Trixie bonuses on her skill checks like a GM who almost pee'd himself watching a quadruped with hooves ascend a ladder over a substance she has no skill ranks in moving through.

Well haha on the party, The Grrreat & Powerful Trrrixie has ascended the ladder! ...um, so how does Trixie get down from this platform?

Trixie attempted to turn around to climb down. She crit-fails a +10 bonus Balance check like a champ, and her rear hooves slipped off the board. So board-slap against her stomach, board-slap against her chin, and right into the pool backside first. Did I mention Trixie was still wearing her purple cape?

The poor unicorn struggled to right-herself. The cape tangled on her face, she swallowed horrible chlorine water, and drowning was a very real possibility. River grabbed the pool skimmer tool and used it to help guide Trixie back to the pool's edge once she was able to paddle with three legs. The party was on the floor laughing their butts off, the GM was in tears trying to breathe, and poor Trixie took two-thirds of her health in non-lethal damage from the worst horse dive ever.

1.5 out of 10 points for style.
13 out of 10 for never living it down.
albedoequals1 16th Mar 2017, 9:06 AM edit delete reply
albedoequals1
I wish I could have been part of that game. From all your stories, it sounds like Trixie was one of the best characters for RP ever.
Digo Dragon 17th Mar 2017, 5:00 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
Maybe the best in terms of the most amusing, quote-driving PC in the group. Maybe. But wow does she fail so often in her actions. XD

Then again, perhaps that is part of the charm?
Jennifer 16th Mar 2017, 10:19 AM edit delete reply
So... anyone seen the Tails of Equestria RPG yet? I'm pretty sure I could run it using the available character sheets and XD20 rules, but I hope to purchase it anyway.
Guest 16th Mar 2017, 11:41 AM edit delete reply
There's also Ponyfinder
Akouma 16th Mar 2017, 1:30 PM edit delete reply
Akouma
So I was once playing an official campaign in Through the Breach (which is the RPG version of amazing tabletop game Malifaux), and in this session of the adventure we were going to a boxing arena to try to and track some leads on the case we were following. At one point there's a call to the audience asking if anyone wants to go head to head with their headlining boxer. Our party gunslinger does, and loses horribly. He wasn't taking a dive he was just an idiot. But then I go over to our party diplo-bot and say to her "bet everything you have on the other guy. I'm going in, and the odds are so in his favor that no one's gonna question why I lost."

So one pummeling later (thankfully, I was also the party doctor and I wasn't so messed up I couldn't treat myself) we made a boatload of money.

And then got beaten up for real, taken to the second ring they have in secret beneath the legitimate one, and get thrown in the ring with a Peacekeeper. For those who don't play Malifaux, a Peacekeeper is a robot and one of the biggest, burliest beatsticks in the game, capable of dishing out insane amounts of damage per turn. We somehow talked our way out of the ring by selling out someone as a narc within their operation (because throwing people with no weapons or armor into a boxing match with a robot designed to murder is illegal even in a hellhole like Malifaux City) and he ended up being the main attraction for the evening instead. Still, it was a very close call.
Greenhornet 16th Mar 2017, 4:07 PM edit delete reply
"Drastic", huh? Don't worry, Rarity, that make-up job alone will cost you ten points!
Samwich 16th Mar 2017, 4:49 PM edit delete reply
I have a story about a character taking a dive, in terms of both alignment and mental stability.
So, we were trying to find out about this powerful assassins guild in a big city. The wizard's player realizes that it's the same city he ended another campaign in, and asks if his former character, conveniently an assassin, is in the city. The DM says yes, and we track him down.
After we apprehend the assassin, we try to shake him down for information, but he isn't talking. At this point, the wizard snaps, grabs both of the assassins hands, force them together behind his back, and spams fire bolt to FUSE the hands together. As soon as the assassin stops dying of pain (and the rest of us sickos stop dying of laughter), the wizard manages to learn that a shop keeper we met earlier is part of the guild. Without waiting for the rest of us, he cuts off the assassins hands and teleports right into the shop.
The second he arrives, he shoves the mutilated hands into the shop keeper face and shouts, "This is what happens if you don't talk!" Unfortunately for him, the 'harmless shopkeeper' is actually a powerful demon sorceror on the payroll of the guild, and teleports him to another plane. The two then engage in a magic duel, with our wizard being trounced due to lack of support.
The wizard, thoroughly mentally broken by this time, comes up with the most daring plan of all time. He readies his action carefully. As the demon shoots a ray of disintegration to finish him, he flings a massive bundle of marijuana (no questions) in front of himself, causing the ray to harmlessly disintegrate the drugs. Furthermore, the smoke from the bundle left the demon in a massive drug high, during which time the wizard extracted all the information he needed.
Unfortunately, due to his torture of the informant, the wizard had his alignment changed to chaotic evil. The DM and the wizard made a deal that he could change his alignment back, with the understanding that if it ever changed again for any reason, his head would explode.
(Also: FIRST COMMENT EVER!)
Digo Dragon 17th Mar 2017, 5:02 AM edit delete reply
Digo Dragon
The thought of winning a magic dual by giving your opponent a contact high is hilarious. ^^;
Jennifer 17th Mar 2017, 9:06 AM edit delete reply
There was at least one incident in Afghanistan where British troops and Taliban fought through a burning poppy field. I understand it went badly for both sides.
Monster... 16th Mar 2017, 5:08 PM edit delete reply
My eyes!!! What a monstruosity... I can't unsee that strange thing
CrowMagnon 16th Mar 2017, 10:18 PM edit delete reply
"Do something drastic"? It looks like she already has.

As for taking a dive, just tonight my Hell's Rebels group had finished gathering rumors and intel, so we came back to take a break at a coffee shop owned by someone sympathetic to our cause. Soon afterward, the authorities showed up to search the place on rumors of "suspicious activity".

If we let them keep searching the place, they would have found an entrance to our hideout, and if we started a fight with the cops then we would definitely draw more heat. Fortunately, we're not yet infamous enough for the authorities to know us on sight, so "Operation: Jerry Springer" went into effect.

Before they could find anything incriminating, Brenna (my constable) and Lindelle (our brawler) started a loud argument, pretending to be fighting over the male teammate who was with us at the time. We took it to the point where we each took a swing at each other in order to sell it, forcing the cops to deal with us. We spent the night in one of the cells to 'cool off', which kept our notoriety low and also gave us another hint about one of our objectives from chatting with the other prisoners.
spudwalt 16th Mar 2017, 10:50 PM edit delete reply
So, my party is resting for the evening in the ruins of an abandoned town. Our ranger decides to climb a nearby tree to take first watch and then sleep there afterwards (I guess it's an elf thing).

Anyways, fast forward to the next person's watch (our druid, also an elf and in the same tree) notices several small avian shapes approaching the camp. A pack of stirges (for those unfamiliar, they're basically mosquito/bat things) swoops down, several of which go after the two elves, as they are the closest targets.

The druid Beast Shapes into a giant spider and knocks one of the stirges out of the sky with a web, which then smacks into the ranger and glues itself to his clothing. Meanwhile, the stirges begin attaching themselves to various party members, including the ranger and the spider!druid. The party members with ranged attacks begin picking them off while the monk climbs into the tree to deal with the ones that are already attached.

Our ranger then got the brilliant idea to throw himself out of the tree and land on top of the stirge instead of trying to detach it in a more sensible manner. We all had a good laugh at this, so I decided not to make him roll for it, since there's not much the stirge could do to stop him. He did take some falling damage, but thankfully, it wasn't a very tall tree, so the only real damage was to his dignity and his outfit. Further hilarity ensued when the druid (still a spider) immediately decided to follow suit, splattering yet another stirge between his abdomen and the ground.

The ranger had our barbarian dunk him in the village well before they left the next morning.
Rhino_Man 17th Mar 2017, 1:59 AM edit delete reply
so I heard this story through a friend of a friend, but evidently there was a guy who had such horrible luck that it was explained away as being purely the fault of one or more gods cursing him to permanantly never succeed at anything.

The result was basically the player himself trying to game the curse any way possible.

This of course lead to our plucky heroes being stuck in a tower with no way down so our cursed individual with infallible logic decides to fling himself at the ground and (with his curse) fail to hit it.

the results were quite spectacular since we're talking gods vs the laws of reality here.