Page 31 - My Little Pun-y

18th Oct 2011, 6:00 AM
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My Little Pun-y
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Newbiespud 18th Oct 2011, 6:00 AM edit delete
Newbiespud
Story time!

Out-of-character banter usually isn't supposed to affect the game, but sometimes a player's off-hand comment is so hilarious or appropriate that the DM sees fit to respond to it, either through modifiers, damage, or even roleplaying.

In the comments, tell a story about a player's casual remark that had extraordinary consequences.

108 Comments:

AstroTrain 18th Oct 2011, 6:21 AM edit delete reply
Rarity is confirmed for being a sadistic DM. I know far too many of them. ;_;
sjosten 22nd Feb 2012, 6:57 PM edit delete reply
And we love her for it.
The-grue 7th May 2013, 10:15 PM edit delete reply
Yes Mistress Rarity
AstroTrain 18th Oct 2011, 6:25 AM edit delete reply
I once had a DM who was running us through a sci-fi campaign, and each time we started to look at things in a meta-way, we would each lose a healing surge. No-one ever had a healing surge, even our cleric. We died after 3 sessions.
xuincherguixe 18th Oct 2011, 7:52 AM edit delete reply
Heavy handed rules like that irk me. I've always found that metagaming isn't something you can avoid completely. Or should try to. Sometimes it's necessary just to make the game move forward. It's something that has to be managed.


That being said, that is a great story.
Dan the DM 8th Dec 2011, 2:42 PM edit delete reply
The first thing my veteran players tell players in my groups is, "don't ever metagame". It's not because I punish metagaming arbitrarily, it's because my worlds are built to function like real worlds - not like games. Metagaming logic tends to lead you to bad results.

For example, upon returning to their ship after being gone a long while the players once noticed something seemed a little off about their captain. Using metagame logic they immediately became convinced that he was an imposter or possessed in some way. The result was 45 minutes of trying to catch him in the act and blowing a great deal of gold on a ritual to determine what was different about him.

The real reason, as they found out? He'd purchased an illusion to make himself look moderately more attractive - and was feeling self-conscious about the whole thing.
Randomosity 6th Jan 2014, 12:47 AM edit delete reply
One time my DM decided to punish us for swearing. Somebody ended up with their head up a donkey's butt, and there was poop EVERYWHERE.
Guest 18th Oct 2011, 6:25 AM edit delete reply
One time our party was camping by a lake and one of our members said he wanted to dive in. He didn't check for depth and the DM just let him do it, but he broke both his hands. It made the next couple of game days rather interesting.
Holygriever 18th Oct 2011, 6:27 AM edit delete reply
Once in a game the party got involved in a tournament of sorts. Since it wasn't supposed to be a death battle, one of the rules was that hits to the head (go figure).

Our party's necromancer was coincidently pitted against another necromancer (NPC) which we had previously met in the city. That NPC was higher level, and the fight was no contest. Then, when he was down to very low HP, that NPC approached him and bashed his head with his staff (subdual damage). The NPC saw potential in him, though, and decided to forfeit the fight.

After that, he extended his hand to help the player to his feet. The played extended his hand, looked deviously to the DM and said "GHOULISH TOUCH!".

PS.: Toque Macabro is portuguese for "Ghoulish Touch". I don't know the official name for it in english.
Holygriever 18th Oct 2011, 6:43 AM edit delete reply
"[...] one of the rules was that hits to the head WERE FORBIDDEN (go figure)."

Fix'd.
Alcarin_Kitsune 18th Oct 2011, 8:47 AM edit delete reply
"Ghoul Touch" is the correct name of the spell. On a side note, as a Necromancer, I would do the same; but I would probably use the Dread Necromancer special ability Charnel Touch (no name in Portuguese, since the book Heroes of Horror was never translated to Portuguese)
Guest 21st May 2013, 10:58 PM edit delete reply
Thanks gotta remember that
Rozon 18th Oct 2011, 6:55 AM edit delete reply
One time a member at our table was bored because he wasn't getting in any roleplaying at the time and combat had ended almost a whole twenty minutes ago *gasp*. After fiddling with his phone and not paying attention to the conversation being had at the table he decided to make a move. Not realizing what was being asked of the DM was steadily irritating him to no end, our wayward party member decided to suddenly move all the pieces into the next room with himself in front, literally dragging us to the next room and looked up saying "Hey guys, we're all over here now, right?" He seemed to had gathered some of us wanted to move on and a minority of us had wanted to scout ahead. Instead we all found ourselves appearing in the next room because the DM was tired of waiting for us to move forward.
In the end it really did keep the adventuring moving, but there was a lot of sudden clamor about where people were in the room once they noticed they had been moved.
Anthonox 18th Oct 2011, 7:03 AM edit delete reply
I was once involved in a game played through IRC. We had two chats going; the in-game chat and the out-of-game chat for dicerolling and "hilarious" commentary. Whenever we accidentally posted some out-of-character stuff in the in-character window, we'd get struck by lightning and take damage.
Moabite 18th Oct 2011, 7:07 AM edit delete reply
Honestly, Rarity. Your grammar is simply <i>atrocious</i>. It's "if this <i>were</i> my game". Present unreal conditional, darling.

No, no need to thank me.
DispatchRabbi 19th Oct 2011, 5:09 AM edit delete reply
Surely you just mean "subjunctive". Which nowadays in English - especially in the casual register - is in free variation between "was" and "were". (Linguistics. It's fun and useful!)

Insisting upon "were" for the subjunctive is prescriptivist poppycock and might possible only be appropriate for extremely formal registers, and probably even only during oratory at that.

D&D sessions are decidedly casual, so Rarity is simply being fashionable... though this fashion in fact started at least a couple hundred years ago.
Kd7sov 18th Oct 2011, 7:22 AM edit delete reply
Oh, come on, Rarity. Just accept that you signed up for Pungeons and Dragpuns, and enjoy it.

(Should that have been Pun-Puns and Dragons?)
nemryn 18th Oct 2011, 8:52 AM edit delete reply
How about just 'Puns & Puns'.
kriss1989 18th Oct 2011, 9:27 AM edit delete reply
NO NOT PUNPUN! *jumps out window in fear*
Saddlesoap Opera 19th Oct 2011, 9:58 AM edit delete reply
I see what you did there.
Guest 19th Apr 2012, 6:11 PM edit delete reply
Too late, he's already a god.
xuincherguixe 18th Oct 2011, 8:14 AM edit delete reply
This one is a stretch because it didn't become a real mechanic. But it has a pun so I'm going to pretend like that makes it count.

The Dungeon Master made an off handed remark about how they rolled well on their personal lovecrafting check, as it was a creepy scenario they had constructed.

I asked what stat modifies the lovecrafting skill.

Negative wisdom.
Anon 18th Oct 2011, 9:05 AM edit delete reply
Yo dawg, we herd you like parties, so we put yo party in a party, so yo can party while yo party.
kriss1989 18th Oct 2011, 9:12 AM edit delete reply
This happened with a group I DM'd. They were facing a giant camp full of gnolls, thirty of them, so they drew the pack off with a giant monster sound. While the pack was gone, the party went into the tents and switched stuff around, put soap into their stew, and hightailed it out of there, but right before they left...

Wizard: I put the fish in a bush. *A running gag is that she had a fish which she had made glow with a rainbow of colors cause it looked neat.*

DM: *rolls Perception* *rolls Intelligence check* ....the gnolls find the fish, and start fighting over who gets the odd item. *rolls a d6* ....six of them die in the infighting.

It actually killed more of them than the 'theft' infighting and the poisonous stew combined.
Oscura 18th Oct 2011, 9:17 AM edit delete reply
One of our group members had been left outside of a compound we were breaking into, to cause a distraction when we entered and left the building. Problem is, he got bored of waiting and badgered the DM for a cut scene to what he was doing.
The DM had a guy's dog pee on his car, and when he eventually pulled a gun on the dog-walker, the security guard of the place came to investigate. He ended up alerting the guard to something fishy and put the compound on lock-down with us still inside. Next time just shut up and wait...
Bugle 18th Oct 2011, 10:08 AM edit delete reply
This story doesn't quite count as it was a player who took a casual comment and turned it into a huge consequence, but it's close enough, and people'll probably get a kick out of it.

During a session where everyone built characters and had them randomly assigned to other people, I got my hands on a half-orc barbarian with an int of 7 (real original, I know, but I had fun with him). There happened to be another barbarian in the party as well with an insanely high int of 10 (well, it's high for a barbarian), and my orc looked up to him as both a friend and kind of a leader. My barbarian basically did anything he asked me too.

It is also worth noting that my character had a hammer that literally weighed half a ton to anyone who wasn't me.

At some point we found ourselves in a silver mine, and the grey elf rogue approached us and asked us to help him mine, splitting it 60-40 in his favour. The other barbarian was outraged by this and insisted it be 50-50. They argued about it for awhile, and finally the elf gave up and starting picking at the wall himself.

The other barbarian turns to me and says "Come on, let's do what he's doing." So I turn to the elf, see he's whacking on the wall with a tool, and go "OKAY!" and proceed to immediately smash the wall as hard as I can with my hammer.

The DM saw fit to have a minor cave in, enough to hurt us a bit, but not kill us. All in all, it was good for a laugh at the very least.

Moral of the story: be very careful how you word things around half orc barbarians with an int of 7, a hammer that could turn a god into a pancake, and a penchant for following instructions perfectly.
Matticus 18th Oct 2011, 12:01 PM edit delete reply
A friend of mine was running a Star Wars d20 game (this was way before Saga Edition). Naturally, the party ended up in a cantina, and somebody went to go talk to the barkeep. The GM was a big fan of Nick Fury from the Marvel Comics universe (the original one, not the Samuel L. Jackson interpretation), so he described the barkeep as a one-eyed, grizzled man named "Rick Fury."

Ever since then, all bars/taverns/cantinas in all locations and all settings are run by the Fury family. So far we've met Rick, his brother Mick, their cousin Dick, their Uncle Slick, and the beautiful Chick Fury.
Canadian 19th Oct 2011, 10:02 PM edit delete reply
LMDs man.
Canadian 19th Oct 2011, 10:02 PM edit delete reply
LMDs man.
sjosten 22nd Feb 2012, 7:04 PM edit delete reply
Double post man.
Dusky 18th Oct 2011, 12:38 PM edit delete reply
I'm not sure if this counts since all the stories involve bad things happening to the players, but....

We were in this extremely long boos fight against this...evil magical door. We'd been killing demons left and right the last session, and had to pause it and pick it up next session. After getting to a point where all of our encounter and daily powers were spent, a comment was made along the lines of "Hey, it'd be nice if those Tieflings that escorted us down here survived and would show up to, y'know, help."

Two rounds later, they did. :D
kriss1989 19th Oct 2011, 10:08 PM edit delete reply
Mine was positive to the players *points up*
PageChaser 18th Oct 2011, 12:45 PM edit delete reply
I'm in a rather large GURPS group so to speed up whether statements are IC or OOC we have a hand gesture. One of the players got frustrated while he and I were trying to find the switch to open the secret stairs and made the offhand comment that he should just give up and lean against the bookcase in frustration, but he forgot to put up the OOC statement gesture.

Our DM, who really likes random chance and plays with percentiles a lot, rolls his dice, looks at him, and says, "Congratulations, you've just Scooby Dooed something that should have taken you another ten minutes. For your trouble you take three falling damage because those are some looong stairs."
Moabite 19th Oct 2011, 2:32 AM edit delete reply
:D Your DM is awesome. Treasure them.
EdgeOfOblivion 19th Oct 2011, 7:57 PM edit delete reply
EdgeOfOblivion
I warned you about stairs, bro.
Errant 18th Oct 2011, 1:10 PM edit delete reply
I had a session with a good but amusingly sadistic friend as DM. My half-elf dread pirate had gotten separated from the party after his airship crashed. My character woke up in a wreck, noticeably not his wreck, at the mercy of a siren. My good...friend the DM gets a mischievous grin and lays the situation on me.

The siren thinks my pirate's cute. She's a bit lonesome and my only option is to sleep with her. If I satisfy her, I live. If I don't, she's going to be picking her teeth with my bones.

The table's snickering at my dilemma. The DM's trying to keep from giggling. All I can think about is my upcoming sexy death based on a single D20 throw with a high threshold. When all of a sudden, I come up with a bargain to add my Charm and Dexterity modifers to the throw and gave...*ahem* justification for my reasoning.

The table just about busts a gut. The DM let's me have them between laughs. Yeah, I min-maxed that descision. Cha and Dex were my two highest scores. Lucky for me he was distracted enough not to force me to use my Consitution mod...

Anyways, I didn't really need it. Natural Twenty. With my mods it was in the thirties. The table broke up again as the DM described not only had I survived the night, but gained a resistance to enchanting creatures, some nice loot the siren'd be hoarding, and a siren that would be pining for me after I left on my adventure.
GrimmjawXD 18th Oct 2011, 1:13 PM edit delete reply
Alright, so I was playing in a champaign and I was a very greedy chaotic sorceries. I names him khaa


Stealer of faces. ^^ He was so fun but got himself and the whole party in a fair amount of trouble all of the time. One time in particular, a new player was joining the game and the dm had a "fool proof" plan for introducing him. We were in the forest and we had just killed a giant and several orcs and our npcs giant-slayer was paralyzed on his back. We were having a conversation when one of us noticed a messenger bird flying towards us. One of the players keptbasking questions about it, like who dis it belong ti, what color was it, how big was it, etc. After about 10-15it minutes of standing there, watching the bird come to us, my character got bored. So I thrust out my hand (in player) and shouted "magic missile! Everyone looked right at me with their mouths wide open. Finally, one of the m asked, really mr brown? Not like a "oh come on" kind of way but legitimately asking if I just did what they thought. I nodded
Silence again. The dm was dumbfounded. "I try ti stop him" one of the other players shouted such was quickly followed by similar statements all around the table. The dm slowly shook his head and said "no... you were all flat footed... the bolts of energy hit the bird. It cries out and falls the ground." Turns out the messenger bird didn't have a written message on it. Instead it was magically enchanted to talk and give us the message that way. We were supposed to meet up with a bunch of other npcs and the new player to speedier a few people out of the country. I got bonus xp and from then on, whenever my party saw a messenger bird, they would all gang up on my to tie me down. ^^ Fun times. Lol
Falgaia 18th Oct 2011, 1:59 PM edit delete reply
I once put on a mini quest for a group of people twice my age when I was ten. They had just beaten the boss, and it made it's death throw. One particularly cocky player took the moment to say "Is that all you got?" 1d8 damage. "You hit like a wuss!" 1d8 damage. "You hit like a girl!" 1d8 damage. "Had enough yet?" "..." "Good."

I was such a troll back then.
Pinkamena 18th Oct 2011, 3:06 PM edit delete reply
I played a female Dragonborn fighter in one campaign. We had just come to town after a serious fight with a dragon of Tiamat, and we were all looking to get drunk. The inn at which we stayed had a smithy attached to it, and the smith just happened to be a Goliath.
He and I started making eyes at each other, and before you know it, I've tumbled into to bed with him! My DM makes me roll a D20 to see what happens. I rolled a nat 20. I got pregnant. With twins. Goliath-dragonborn twins.

Unfortunately, I never got a chance to finish the campaign, but boy oh boy, that would have been fun to see!
Enchanter Tim 18th Oct 2011, 3:15 PM edit delete reply
In an old Palladium Fantasy game the party was trying to track down a fire Elemental (needed to seal a portal it had come thru) It was winter and fairly far north so the elemental had been greatly weakened, and was captured by a local tribe. Said tribe was planning to 'sacrifice' it into a a small volcanic vent near by that had a portal to the plane of fire.

Said tribe had a high regard for elves, so the party's elven thief was trying to pretend to be a priest of Ra to convince them to give it to her and her 2 guards (most of the party were invisible, providing special effects). She makes a comment about Ra and the full moon in the evening sky, at which point my (invisible) character whispers in her ear 'Ra's a _sun_ god.' She starts to panic and shouts "Ra, Ra, Ra" and I (being a smartass) respond 'Shish boom bah' at which point we all collapsed laughing.
Chris 18th Oct 2011, 4:40 PM edit delete reply
Hmm... I don't know about combat modifiers or the like, but a few things have been named that way. For example, a party a couple years ago owed several thousand gold to the head priest of the cleric's deity (they had convinced him to resurrect a party member on credit). After a couple sessions, they had accumulated a few hundred GP, and were debating whether to return to the city and make a partial payment, or to keep traveling and earn more money. Then one of the players piped up, "Let's just go see the goddamn pope and give him what we have so that the pope-o-meter goes down."

I never got them to stop calling the high priest "the pope," even in-character, and eventually gave up the fight. And to this day, any debt the party accrues is measured on the "pope-o-meter."
Chris 18th Oct 2011, 4:54 PM edit delete reply
Similarly, "make a con check" has become the euphemism du jour for 'self-enjoyment.' And after one particularly embarrassing (for me) session of dungeon-delving where I, as DM kept saying 'T-intersection' when I meant '4-way intersection, all descriptions of T-intersections have henceforth been met with a derisive chorus of "Big T or little t?"

And for almost a decade now, one on-again-off-again party of mine has insisted on describing their marches in Oregon Trail-style, e.g. "We set off at a strenuous pace, eating filling rations." They've done this ever since one of the party members got sick from drinking from a stream and an expedition had to be delayed, which inspired one player to shout, "So and so has dysentery! Lose 3 days!"

And there was one time when a party member (who was alone and probably only level 4 or so) encountered a pair of fire elementals. He promptly announced, "I crap my pants and run." When I reminded him that he wasn't wearing any pants (he'd had some acid thrown at him earlier, and removed his pants before it could eat through to his legs) he told me, "Well, I guess I just crap on the ground then, don't I?" After that, any time somebody found themselves up against a foe they couldn't beat, they'd declare, "Good think I'm not wearing any pants!" Yes, that's an instance of memetic mutation within a D&D party.

I could go on (and on...) but those are a few that stuck out to me.
Gaekub 21st Oct 2011, 10:52 AM edit delete reply
In a similar vein, I was playing a game in which we met a corrupt mayor, who the DM had named "Fieten" (Pronounced "Fightin'"). I immediately asked if his last name was "Irish". For the rest of the game, he was referred to as "The Fightin' Irish", much to the DM's annoyance.
Paragrin 16th Sep 2012, 4:10 PM edit delete reply
In a game my sister's running to get my family into D&D, she put in a NPC called Duven Stoll. My little brother and I immediately named him Doofenschmirtz.
Squeejee 18th Oct 2011, 5:35 PM edit delete reply
In my case, a casual comment taken by the GM has had consequences on EVERY CHARACTER I'VE PLAYED SINCE!

It starts with my first Paladin. I had decided that an integral part of his paladin vows was that he would make a good effort to avoid any fight he came across by diplomacy or another nonviolent method - not that he didn't fight when he had to, and of the two melee characters in the party he was the one with the tower shield and the full plate and the improved toughness.

Anyway, the GM thought he was real clever by putting us into an arena where we were forced to fight to the death. He thought he was really supremely clever when he had my character chained and forced to fight a drider. That's when somebody made the off-hand comment that a Drider archer is at least 50% hawt.

Then I surprised the hell out of everyone by RPing my way out of the conflict - I didn't even need a nat 20 on my diplomacy check to make her an ally, I simply RPed my character's proposal: the trip would kiss, make the crowd go wild, and then they both could get out of the arena alive. It means I have to kill one less sentient, and if it doesn't work I figure I can take her (lol probably not as I was third level at the time).

Turns out Driders make clingy girlfriends (haha get it because they're SPIDERS I slay me), and long story short, my Paladin was in way over his head. The problem is that this one bit of RP has since come to color every single RP interaction I've had in that group - whether it's Yuan Ti or Blue Dragons, we've made more off-color jokes at my character's expense than I can think to list here.

I didn't sign up to be the comedy relief, it just sort of happened.
Guest 18th Oct 2011, 7:17 PM edit delete reply
I joined a group of friends in an Exalted campaign once - we all live in different states, so we played via Skype. At some point I appropriated a magic hand-mirror from an enemy who had been using it as a communication device; some time later, I get a call on it while away from the rest of the party, and find myself (and my tagalong npc) talking to the game's biggest bad yet. She turns out to be a civilized kind of evil, so we exchange pleasantries and then come to the awkward moment where she asks for my name. As my mind blanks, the other players suggest ridiculous made-up names like Tedathy Nickthaniel or Big McLargehuge. At a pause in the proceedings, I say in a total deadpan the name of one of the other player characters.

That day I learned that one of the group's house rules is that anything that makes the DM laugh for more than 15 seconds is considered canon.

My teammate was less than pleased.

The campaign went on hiatus before we got to meet the lady in the mirror, but roleplaying my character's worrying and eventual in-game confession was unexpectedly entertaining.
mistshika 18th Oct 2011, 7:43 PM edit delete reply
while adventuring, there was a magic well that was throwing off all our rolls. i off-handedly mentioned that i needed to pee while absentmindedly rolling a d-20. i accidentally rolled a nat 20, and the DM decided that my strong dwarven piss deactivated the powers of the well, and i saved the party like that.
Tjprower 18th Oct 2011, 11:33 PM edit delete reply
Well... just last week my D&D group got together for our usual routine: Spending the first hour and a half figuring out where everyone is. Literally, the only person who knows where any of our party members is at the start of the session is the player of the character themselves. Well, it just so happened our elven favored soul was "resting" in her favorite tree on her favorite branch. She kept talking about it for awhile, so (in a joking light-hearted, totally not serious way) I said that I break said branch out of the tree. The D.M. heard me.
Yeah... My character spent the next half an hour of preparations running for her life. =P
San 19th Oct 2011, 1:12 AM edit delete reply
Playing a Rifts game my fellow player was trying to sell items to a merchant, who was fully uninterested in what he had to provide. The merchant asked if we had anything else we wanted to sell, so I, off-handedly, point to my fellow player and go 'Him.' I was joking, but the DM was like, 'okay, the merchant takes a look at the man, eying him up and down. He likes what he sees and offers you 50,000 credits.'

Hell yeah I took the credits. Guy was sold and in a cage before he realized what just went down.
San 19th Oct 2011, 1:30 AM edit delete reply
Also, in another game, since I'm female and play a male Paladin, my fellow partymates (all male) make fun of the fact that my big buff man has a little girlyvoice. Me, being the dumbass I am, jokingly yell out 'STOP MAKING FUN OF THE POOR EUNUCH.'

... my Paladin is now a eunuch.
Enchanter Tim 19th Oct 2011, 4:19 PM edit delete reply
heh, well you could always name your next male fighter-type 'Mike Tyson', that would cover a high voice. 8)

Speaking of names, I had one character I ended up naming 'Tabeed'. This was because I was having trouble thinking up a name and jotted down the letters 'TBD' (To Be Decided), then tried pronouncing them.

I've also made Monk characters and named them 'Feng Shuey'.
MintJelly 19th Oct 2011, 2:33 AM edit delete reply
My friends and I were playing a rather high level 3.5 game set in the Silver Marches in Faerun and we stumbled upon a 'troll city'. We crept up to the gates intending to make a sneak attack when one of the trolls noticed us and screamed. Our quick thinking Bard rolled high enough initiative and charmed the troll, convincing him we were here to repair the gate. Now whenever we sneak up on enemies we are repairing the gate.
Kino 19th Oct 2011, 4:33 AM edit delete reply
Well, I have one time when I, as the GM, made a casual remark that had extraordinary consequences. . .

So I was running a Battlestar Galactica campaign with a rather large group of players. In which, the players in their ship come across a few civiilian ships, which I decided would be Zoo and Botany ships, off the cuff.
Somewhat brought up a complex, unrelated, rules issue, so whilst I looked it up to give the players something to do I made two of them play the roles of the captains of the civvie ships and negotiate with the players.
Big mistake.
Minutes later the player performing as the Admiral had transported a bear over the players ship ( At the cost of two lightly gored marines). This bear was then put into a ball pit. In which the Admiral would frolick with the bear, in the ball pit, in his off hours.
I looked up at this point, groaned, but allowed it because I didn't think it would affect much and the player already seemed rather attached to the bear.
Another big mistake.
A certaon faction of the players was trying to raise a revolution in the ship against the Admiral. So they assainated the bear and tried to frame one of the other players.
We spent the whole next session conducting an (unsuccesful) investigation into the Bears death and then performing the bears funeral.
All of this drove the Admiral half mad.
Leading to an increase in the revolutionary activities and the formation of a rebel group, who skinned the bear and turned it into hats. They gave themselves a name, too . . .
the Bear-ets.
My plot was discarded, the players now turned to infighting, and terrible bear related puns were abound.
I died a little inside.
kriss1989 19th Oct 2011, 10:24 PM edit delete reply
Sounds un-bear-able.
DispatchRabbi 19th Oct 2011, 5:15 AM edit delete reply
I Storytell a Mage game and have a house rule called "the ST's Favor". Whenever a player does something that is clever or makes me laugh, I hand them my 12-sided Rock-Paper-Scissors die. They can use it for a guaranteed success or three extra dice on a role, or if they have it at the end of the session, half an experience point. But if someone else does something clever or funny enough, they get to steal the ST's Favor. It's been a pretty big hit as a house rule, and it's almost always awarded for a joke said out of character.
Guest 19th Oct 2011, 5:46 AM edit delete reply
Yo i heard you like long storys.....
Jakoral 19th Oct 2011, 10:15 AM edit delete reply
Our half-orc barbarian decided to piss off the DM. When we met an overly narcissist actor in the campaign, he jokingly said "I throw my caltrops at him." It took 30 minutes to get out of that one.
Azureink 19th Oct 2011, 11:07 AM edit delete reply
Azureink
D&D 3.0 'Teen-Level Story:

So we had a female gamer with us who was pretty experienced and always played rogues. Well one time we were in a dangerous dungeon area and we entered an ornate room with a burning columnar pillar and a treasure chest. Now normally, this rogue would check the room out for traps, or at least the chest, before running into the room and pilfering the chest. But this time she didn't (for some reason).

Needless to say the pillar that was on fire was surrounded by an Elder Fire Elemental that Disintegrated the rogue (she failed her Fortitude saving throw, go figure). So the question came up when I (playing a cleric) would cast True Resurrect, whether she would have any clothes on (since she and all of her possessions were just turned to ash and I was reconstituting her entire physical body from nothingness).

Unfortunately it was about a decade ago and I don't remember how we eventually dealt with that.
Leinad 20th Oct 2011, 12:40 PM edit delete reply
i don't know about 3.0, but 3.5 disintegrate doesn't hurt equipment or clothes. go figure.
Wote 19th Oct 2011, 11:24 AM edit delete reply
So, we were playing a 3.5 game. I was Renthar the Bold: old-ass adventurer who'd seen more than his fair share of level drains and resurrections (because I wanted to play an old dude while justifying only being third level). Our quest had taken us to a forgotten temple of Moradin, and we found ourselves facing a trial by combat: three chimeras. At the time, I believe we were either sixth or seventh level.

So, having recently watched Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series, I say, in my Renthar voice, "I jump up on the Chimera's back, Yug." Not to actually do it, mind. I just thought it would be funny to say in the deep, gravelly, make-every-vocalist-I-know-wince, three-20-oz.-drinks-a-session voice I use for this character. The DM, however, tells me to roll my touch attack and then my grapple check.

Now, the DM had a house rule for this campaign that one of your stats was to be genned on 2d6+1d12, and so Renthar had a 20 Strength even after adjusting for being middle aged. He also only had a BAB of +5, owing to a few levels of Favored Soul (which is a long story in and of itself). Suffice to say, this human adventurer is nowhere near capable of winning a grapple with a Chimera.

...Except he does. I think it worked out to me rolling a 19 and the DM rolling a 2. So, next round, I roll with it and go for the pin so that our Duskblade can go to town on the thing. I succeed, again.

At this point, the DM stops asking me for grapple checks and just has the Chimera bite at me trying to get free. At the time, I thought he was just forgetting to have it struggle out of the grapple. As it turns out, he hadn't been able to roll anything above a 4, and just figured there was no point in making me roll.
Wote 19th Oct 2011, 11:27 AM edit delete reply
An addendum: The other two chimeras were busy with the rest of the party while this was all going on. There were, I believe, six of us in the group at this point, so two per chimera or something like that.
Brianhead 19th Oct 2011, 12:26 PM edit delete reply
There was a night in which we all failed spectacularly on our appraisal checks (this is DnD 3.5). One of the party's grunts decided that we just needed to look for a place to get it appraised. An appraisal shack, he asked for.

We eventually found our way to Uncle Lou's Appraisal Shack For Quitters, worked by a bored 20-something called Jake. Jake and Uncle Lou's have haunted every game we've played since.

Never actually met Uncle Lou, though...
WaterDove 19th Oct 2011, 2:21 PM edit delete reply
So I havent been inmany campaigns btu the ones i WAS in were all terribly quirky and fun. The firs tDnD game iwas ever in i played a half elf chaotic good rogue.However the DMwas a perveted fat man and mad eme and the other female character in the game have dirty things happen. Shed fart out magic elixirs and all sorts of stuff. And since my god alignment wasA god of Wratha and death he had me payhomage to them every battle by all the blood automatically being attracted to my character and soaking it.Needless to say i oftenhad to take time and washmy character and the armor she owre to avoid attracting animals on the journey.
The SECOND one I played a another half elf this time full good alignment. One of the NPCs we had to go and talk to was literally described as "The bafricna ameircan version of Leutenant Armstrong from FMAwith nothing but a thong." So what did i do? Inaflat toneless voice say "OH sir, weve come to make love you you sexy sexy beast." The only three characters itneracting with the NPC were all female and I was kidding. The DM had me od a bluff check and I rolled a 3. So intitially it took longer for us to get the information we wanted out of Pseudo-Armstrong man.
THE LAST campaign i was in was a pathfinder campaign.And all sorts of fu ncrazy stuff happened in that. We were fighting an Ent at one point and our Orc Barbarianhas a longstaff. Dude does an acrobatics check and passes LITERALLY polvoting the Ent ot the ground. Then later on TheBarbarian and our Gem Powered Hobo get the idea of tossing eachother aorund as weapons since they have almost identical strength and wheight stats and can do enough damage just by running int osomething with a charge attack. Eventually throwing the Orc Barbarian as a weapon becomes a regular battle strategy for our party. AND THEN.......Then there was the warforge...He eventually became so big and powerful and made out so much magically enhanced items that he had an average size mini warforge that was made out of his OLD body, where as his new/current body was several tons heavy and more than 10 stories tall. He alsomade a metal covering that would contain our party and have slots in it for us to attack from. Hed wear the covering once everyone was i nside it and run at top speed while we all fired our attaks......He called it the funbus. And I swear to god if Mike or Willis or anyone else from that campaign is reading this you bitchces better back me up on this.
MangoFox 19th Oct 2011, 2:22 PM edit delete reply
...Lose. 50. Experience.
daemosblack 19th Oct 2011, 6:30 PM edit delete reply
In a game I am currently DMing at a session about two months ago now, I stated that the inhabitants of the island they were heading to where suffering from a Feywild ailment. one of the players asked if that meant the effects were "whimsical." Out of sarcasm i listed off a three stage symptom list.

1. boils
2. limb-bone liquification
and then
3. adorable puppy explodes out of their skull ala Alien.

Much to my surprise rather than claim i was crazy or demand "real" symptoms the next question to hit me - with in moments was "What breed of Puppy?"
daemosblack 19th Oct 2011, 7:00 PM edit delete reply
addendum:

I replied "its varies the reports say"

the party spent the next half hour speculating on how the breed of dog might correlate to different traits of the afflicted NPC.
kriss1989 19th Oct 2011, 10:32 PM edit delete reply
...I'm stealing this. It's less crazy than some of the stuff I've already done with the Feywild.
daemosblack 20th Oct 2011, 12:25 AM edit delete reply
heh go right ahead - it was a pure moment of insanity that became a running plot point for a month....

"Do we see any dogs?"
daemosblack 23rd Oct 2011, 12:42 AM edit delete reply
Further Addendum:

next session, when they fought against a pack of Portal Hounds, Several players had to be re-assured that said monsters were not in-fact the puppified remains of sufferers of the ailment.

They were reluctant to engage the portal hounds on grounds of fear that the persons soul was in the puppy that bursts out of the afflicted's head
(I had never even implied that was the case mind you)
Ulrich 19th Oct 2011, 7:22 PM edit delete reply
me and a group of my friends were having a D and D session when we walked into the whitesmith to buy some enchanted armor/weapons we were greeted by an old man and as Our DM was describing he started to say. The old man sees you and says "Blank" because his phone went off and all we could hear was . BIG BOOTY BITCHES WE GOT BIG BOOTY BITCHES WHAT!.
SO the old man magically turned into a Tall black guy who was constantly flirting with out Female members. Also the background music of the Whitesmith from then on is allways Big booty bitches.
EdgeOfOblivion 19th Oct 2011, 8:03 PM edit delete reply
EdgeOfOblivion
D&D 3.5 game, Evil-aligned party. Led by a warrior Cleric, along with a moneygrubbing Assassin, a Barbarian with a hate-on for arcane spellcasters, and my nihilist force-evoker Sorcerer. Throughout the journey the Barbarian has been making quips about how the Sorc will die before she does, or how she'll take his owl familiar and make Birdy Pot Pie.

Somewhere along the way, the priest asked her what all she knew how to cook. She replied, "Meat".

"Any meat?"

"Any meat."

A session later, the Assassin approaches her as the party nears a village. "I have plan for when we reach village. I am good at killing things. You are good at making jerky."
She responds, without missing a beat, "Bring me the meat, I don't care where it comes from."
To which the Assassin and Cleric cheer, "We'll make a killing! We'll sell the villagers back to the villagers!"
And my Sorc can't help but add, "I hate to say it but I like this plan."

The DM just stares at us slack-jawed for a few moments before finally stuttering out, "I am going to enjoy your deaths."

I don't think he quite understood just how evil an evil party can be. Though, this WAS the one player in our group who couldn't bring himself to play a non-Good character, and had wanted to DM an Evil campaign so he wouldn't have to play villains.
Azureink 20th Oct 2011, 8:26 AM edit delete reply
Azureink
Sounds like "Cupcakes."
Grrys 19th Oct 2011, 9:06 PM edit delete reply
Alright, I got a story from this one time I was DMing a game of Pathfinder. A single party member had managed to get enough money to buy a ship, so I let him. But through the course of the campaign, the party had managed to piss off the bad guy (technically it was a female LE monk that somehow wound up with 12 Intelligence and over 40 Charisma), and she sent some drow after the party. The drow managed to sneak onto the ship and stowaway in the cargo hold. Midway through the voyage, they attacked. My character (Half-elf CG Gunslinger (Gunslinger was still in playtesting at that point)) was keeping the ship on course, and didn't participate in the battle. That meant the only party member with a conscience (Party was all CN or N) wasn't doing any fighting. It eventually gets down to the last one, and a party member that's a good friend of mine decides to try and grope her. So he rolls grapple. Nat 20. Being that it really wasn't more than just touching her breast (That's what he wanted to do), I have the drow roll for an attack of opportunity (Screw the rules if they don't like that, I was laughing!), and roll a crit fail. One of the things I like to do is have consequences for crit fails. So I roll my d20 again for the result, and it comes up as a 4. 4 = Trip. So she falls to the ground. My other good friend, the one that owns the ship, comes up next in the turn order. So he rapes he. Successfully.

The really disturbing thing was that I had been wondering when either one of them would do something like that, and came up with possibilities. She died.
Cliff Snowpeak 19th Oct 2011, 11:41 PM edit delete reply
In my very first campaign, we had a rather large party, one of whom was a bard who didn't sing. He was an actor and put all his skill points into Intimidate, Bluff, etc.

The campaign centered around dragon-slaying, and in one dungeon, we found a room full of violet fungus. After clearing the room, while the rogue looked for treasure, the bard declared his desire to make a costume out of a fungus corpse. We all just stared at him for a moment, but my DM allowed it and gave a him a few bonuses for it.

Later, while fighting the dragon, the bard tried to intimidate the dragon with his new fungus suit. He gets a Nat 20, and the dragon rolls a Nat 1 to resist! Everyone else got attacks of opportunity, and the battle was over by the next round.

A few months later, the bard decided it would be a great laugh to use Justin Bieber as a cannon-fodder summon. Our crazed orc, who happened to be a Good cleric, rolled to see if he knew who that was and got a Nat 20. Our DM then says, "You're his biggest fan!" The cleric got really angry at the enemy who had killed Bieber and, after the DM gave him a situational rage bonus, he turns the battle around. However, the orc's player was wanting to quit, so, he says, "After seeing his idol killed, the orc goes crazy and skips out into the desert, intent on staring his own music school."

Both these instances have generated many a laugh in the months since.
Shikome Kido Mi 20th Oct 2011, 12:25 AM edit delete reply
Ah, one campaign one of the characters being played was a control oriented sorcerer. At first level he abused the heck out of "Color Spray" and at second he took GlitterDust, because even though it was outside the schools his feats cranked save DC on, it fit his theme and had multiple uses. He started getting a bit of ribbing about how... flamboyant his character was (though actually most of us thought the idea of killing your enemies with rainbows and glitter to be cool in an amusing way).
Next thing you know, he was seducing (male) captains of the guard, leading to the party having great influence in that city and getting all the best jobs.
daemosblack 20th Oct 2011, 12:28 AM edit delete reply
The show that is the reason we are all here has pretty much shown rainbows can be deadly... MOAB level deadly
Eaite 20th Oct 2011, 8:34 PM edit delete reply
Rarity's player seems to be all about pun-ishment.
one-time-dm 22nd Oct 2011, 11:00 AM edit delete reply
this one time a player asked if a hord of orcs we were hunting had a religion. The quest book didn't list one, so I randomly said 'roman-catholic'. bad idea. Later in the game, after he picked up a cursed holy symbol from dungeon loot, we finally encountered the orcs, and what does the player do? "I hold my cursed symbol upside-down and recite the Holy Prayer backwards!" He had read Bless Me Ultima recently.. it seemed so genious that I made every orc in a ten square radious flea into the river, but THEN the second player, a teifling who had used a high stealth role to sneak to the other side of the map, also jumped in. "My red, horned player (hint hint) jumps out of hiding and begins shouting in abysal!" the character knew abysal. I had her role for bluff and intimidate, both which were successful. I got owned.
Guest 23rd Oct 2011, 11:39 PM edit delete reply
Fairly soon after I first started playing D&D, I joined a pick-up game with an acquaintance of mine and some of her friends. We entered the first room in the dungeon, which had nothing in it but torches and a few chests. All of the other (more experienced) players began spreading out around the room, looking for traps or signs of monsters. Bored, I walked over to a treasure chest and inspected it. The DM told me that that "as far as you can tell, it's an ordinary wooden chest", and asked if I would like to try opening it. I said yes, and just for fun specified that my character kicked the latch on the chest to open it, like Link does in Ocarina of Time. The chest opened, then the lid bit down on my foot, the other "chests" woke up, and the encounter started. I had to spend the entire fight dealing with the Mimic attached to my foot. For the rest of the night, my character stayed as far away from treasure chests as she could.
NeutralDemon 21st May 2013, 11:21 PM edit delete reply
I have a Pathfinder game on May 22nd 2013
I will do that I swear to you
Urthdigger 9th Nov 2011, 5:55 AM edit delete reply
This isn't a situation where the DM took something a player took literally, more the other way around. Also pony related.

So, in a Pathfinder campaign I'm in, playing as a chaotic good human cleric, we're in an echo of the past and I'm trying to get a look of what some wizard is scrying with his crystal ball. This turns out to be a bad idea, I get some points of damage from what I assume is losing some sanity, the wizard is ripped into shreds as eldritch abominations use him as a portal into our world, and the DM has me roll a will save. I roll a 1. I now have a compulsion to possess the orb at all costs. I then proceeded to do my utmost to keep it from shattering on the floor, kept it by my side from then on, accused every enemy (and half the party) of wanting to steal my shiny, and pretty much tossed out every quote from hoarder Rarity that I knew. When we finally got out, it miraculously survived being taken out from a vision of the past, only to shatter. The DM assumed this was the end of my little obsession... only to find me sweeping up the shards and putting them into my pack. I have a feeling this compulsion may last me the rest of the game.
Anonymous 11th Dec 2011, 12:57 AM edit delete reply
In our Star Wars D20 game:
DM:"You arrive in your hotel room."
Friend:"I eat the mint off the pillow."
DM:"That was not a mint. Roll a Fort save."
Sturm 6th Jan 2012, 3:02 AM edit delete reply
Once in an anima campaign i played an eccentric freelancer with a perception of 3 and the gm knew it, he was pretty much an American tourist. My every waking moment caused some sort of chaos but somehow it almost always worked in the parties favor. For example we once needed to break into a fortified palace. When I was informed of the plan I was reading about local culture and language, due to a bad roll just nodded along without actually hearing any of it. So as soon as the party approaches the palace the first thing I do is mistake it for a rather fancy hotel and stroll right up to the main gate. Upon being stopped was outraged, I claimed to here on a very important, much needed vacation and needed to check in. Then I went on to say that their service was terrible in a sub par translation of their native language. As they stood dumbstruck I demanded to see their manager, citing their ill manners as grounds to be fired. This terrified them as apparently I had actually said something to the equivalent of "How dare you, do you know who I am?! I am here on a very important mission! I demand to see your Lord, you should be executed for such insolence!"
So they ended up believing I was some sort of diplomatic envoy. Not only did this distract all the guards long enough for the rest of the party to sneak in, but the hi-jinx resulting from my meeting with the local lord was enough of a distraction for the rest of the party to steal back the ancient relic undetected, as well as raid the treasury, leaving just as I was being thrown out.
Anypony 11th Feb 2012, 4:08 PM edit delete reply
Once, a player had been rolling particularly bad, and asked that if he rolled a one could he hit another player instead. Our DM thought that was hilarious and sure enough he rolled a one.
Guest 19th Feb 2012, 10:04 PM edit delete reply
In one campaign, while playing a wise-cracking character, I developed a habit of making bad puns during encounters, much to the annoyance of the other players. So I joked that my puns should cause damage to anyone with a more refined sense of humor. The DM rolled with it. After nearly causing the deaths of the party several times, we come across the big bad, an upperclass aristocrat. When the DM had him take damage from my puns, the rest of the party got in on it, and since it was such a useful strategy, they became immune to pun damage. Most entertaining boss fight, EVER.
Herro 12th Mar 2012, 11:42 PM edit delete reply
So I don't remember exactly how this started...I think me and my party were locked in a cell and I was making OOC innuendos regarding 'explosive packages.'

So we decided that I would have exploding pants, which I promptly threw at the wall to make an escape route.

This has become a running gag-in every tabletop RPG me and my friends play, my character always, ALWAYS starts with a set of exploding pants.
Koji 22nd Mar 2012, 9:30 PM edit delete reply
I was playing a half-elf rogue with a very sadistic Dm. My rogues quest was to find a way o be taller. Some random farmer gave me a jar of marmalade. On my quest I had come to the house of an associate, but I had forgotten about a VERY successful disguise check that I had made earlier, so the associate peeks around the door and shoots me with a crossbow. My reaction was to say, "Why'd you do that?" I got shot again. And again. And again. The associate took the marmalade off of my unconscious body and ate it. And promptly grew 6 inches taller.
Morf 28th May 2012, 9:45 PM edit delete reply
One time I was in a group who'd decided to have a victory-party after we basically killed our characters' boss and took over his casino, which was our base of operations.

I, being bored, suggested it be a sexy party, and the GM allowed me and the cleric (my character's friend) to try to get the local church/brothel of Calistria (goddess of sex and revenge) to see if they'd join us for a sexy party with Diplomacy checks.
I rolled a twenty and had 15 in Diplomacy already. The GM, laughing his ass off, told us that the party got so crazy everyone gained the rest of the exp needed for our next level, and we got to roll charisma-saves to see how many people our characters woke up with. I rolled a fifteen, and my character has forever made a favored friend of the local Calistrian church...
Lady Chaomii 30th Jun 2012, 9:14 PM edit delete reply
Twilight's player made an arrow to the knee joke. So I made an anvil to the face joke. She was dealt 1d10 damage, even though she only had 5HP. No Skyrim references have ever been made since.
Whiterun Guard 1st Oct 2013, 8:11 AM edit delete reply
No Lollygaggin'
Whiterun Guard 1st Oct 2013, 8:12 AM edit delete reply
I Used To Be A Berserker Like Dash, Then I Took An Arrow To The Knee...

And I'm Still A Berserker
AttentionDeficitGuy 4th Sep 2012, 9:06 PM edit delete reply
In the first campaign I ever played (in which the other players were mostly also newbies), the DM gave my character bonus EXP because when we were shopping for supplies in the beginning, I had asked how much a map costs. Such a basic thing that so many people overlook (and most of those who don't are DMs ).
Ann Lies 27th Jan 2013, 8:24 PM edit delete reply
I have a friend who loves to fight. At one point in my campaign we had gone to a character's magical cottage, owned by a gnome. My friend decided it would be really funny to walk up to the gnome and punch him, and to the other character's (and my friend's) surprise, I let him. As soon as my friend realized that I wouldn't usually have let him do something so randomly violent, he got really worried and tried to take it back. Needless to say, I wouldn't let him. The gnome responded by lighting my friend's hair on fire, something to which my friend freaked out about until I told him it was merely an illusion. From that point onward, "Punching the gnome", is a phrase we use to describe any brash action with unexpected consequences.

He eventually forgave me.
Norakos 7th Mar 2013, 1:24 PM edit delete reply
Before he left for school, and before game started that day, one of our players was thinking aloud, mentioned that he had gotten paid and was going to get Five Guys after game. Now, we all know what he was talking about (for those of you that don't, it's like an upscale burger king) but we HAD to run with the joke. And to this day, this was about a year and a half ago, it has been a running joke in our gaming group.
Guest 21st May 2013, 10:56 PM edit delete reply
Me rereading:
Haha D4 damage then suddenly I get this gash on my arm
dear god I actually took damage
Star And Luna 30th Sep 2013, 7:00 PM edit delete reply
1D4 Damage From That Pun? Rarity Are You CRAZY?!

...What Is 1D4 Damage Anyways? 5 Hitpoints (HP)Worth?...
Guest 22nd Oct 2013, 9:21 PM edit delete reply
1d4 means roll a four-sided die for a result of 1 to 4.
Whiterun Guard 30th Sep 2013, 7:02 PM edit delete reply
I Used To Be A Berserker Like You. Then I Took An Arrow To The Knee
Whiterun Guard 1st Oct 2013, 8:04 AM edit delete reply
And ThenI Got Fus-Ro-Dah'd By Dovahkiin
Whiterun Guard 1st Oct 2013, 8:05 AM edit delete reply
*Then I
Whiterun Guard 1st Oct 2013, 8:07 AM edit delete reply
No Lollygaggin'
JuankiMan 21st Dec 2013, 7:06 AM edit delete reply
This happened to a friend of mine that was playing a Kender Rogue in a Dragonlance campaign. The party was trying to sneak past a sleeping dragon when the player off-handedly wondered aloud "I wonder if dragons have external genitals". The DM's response? "That's a good question. Your Kender ponders the same thing. Roll Will to control the urge to satisfy your curiosity".

If did not end well...
kiapet 22nd Feb 2014, 6:03 PM edit delete reply
In a recent adventure, one of the PCs started singing, "Heigh ho, heigh ho" from Snow White. The DM made him take 5 damage from a divine bolt of retribution.
EmperorSkiratta 4th Feb 2015, 10:58 AM edit delete reply
So, two stories here. I posted on an earlier strip, the one in regards to backstabbing, about Starhammer and playing Dark Heresy. Well, my friend's inquisitor found a fob watch, opened it, experienced a weird vision, and turned purple. We had decided the Deva race of 4e were the Timelords of the setting. Well, he's our inquisitor in our Dark Heresy game. So our group works under a purple skinned human who would be executed if his secret were ever found out by anyone other than the party.

Currently for Pathfinder, my friend who's running Dark Heresy and played the inquisitor in Starhammer is currently running Skulls and Shackles. Our current ship captain is a custom variant of the gunslinger class, and took a level in sorcerer. He lost a hand, and uses the ghost hand spell as a replacement. So he got a new name. While of at an event for Magic: the Gathering, our GM mentioned that the current pirate king is currently Bonefist. Well, Ghosthand wants to shake his hand and take over as king of the pirates. This lead to the obvious One Piece joke, and gave me the idea for my current (third) character. A Roronoa Zolo type character.
Chet_Manley 17th Dec 2015, 1:05 PM edit delete reply
In my first d&d campaign, We constantly made breaks in the fourth wall. Nothing really came of it until my older brother tried to convince the DM his arena was the Thunderdome.

Long story short, The DM refused to call it that until someone pointed out that his character could fly out, (he was a druid that could turn into an eagle) and he responded that they had a cage around the arena so they couldn't. My brother said "So it's the Thunderdome?" And the DM begrudgingly admitted it.

After that though, he implemented a system where anytime we made an in-character reference, a hole in the universe would get bigger. It is currently the size of a castle. Please send help.
Zorro362 4th Jul 2016, 6:33 PM edit delete reply
Five words. "Dance to save the world." A casual excuse to make a distracton at a party during the end of the world swiftly turned in
Zorro362 4th Jul 2016, 6:35 PM edit delete reply
Turned into a worldwide movement granting my party member instant celebrity status and opened up all kinds of doors for us lol.