Page 188 - High Roller

8th Oct 2012, 6:00 AM
High Roller
Average Rating: 5 (3 votes)
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Author Notes:

Newbiespud 8th Oct 2012, 6:00 AM edit delete
Newbiespud
Author: Broken Logic

For the guest author's note, I was given a very long, strange, self-deprecating rant that I'm not going to include in its entirety, but it did contain this very unique bit...

Guest Author's Note:
"Here's a song. I need the practice, as I've taken up the role of a bard in one of my d&d campaigns. The tune should be familiar to you all. I apologize in advance either way. Ahem.

"Friendship is Dra~gons.
Friendship is Dra~gons.
Aaa~h.
Friendship is Dragons,
I wished that I could play some D&D (Friendship is Dragons)
Then you showed the player's handbook to me.
Big Adventures,
Tons of loot.
A beautiful larp,
faithful and wrong.
Sharing buffs now
is a single feat.
And magic makes it all complete,
because Friendship is Dragons.
Did you know you are my very fi~rst group?


"Now get out of here. Oh, wait. This isn't my home. OK, loiter here as long as you want. Don't expect free food. Chances are, I ate it."

55 Comments:

Guest 8th Oct 2012, 6:01 AM edit delete reply
INB4 everyone.
nekollx 8th Oct 2012, 1:45 PM edit delete reply
nekollx
I mentioned this previous but it bears repeating. In my first session (online via chat, lasted only the one) My Elf Paladin was pullign a AJ. Fail, Fail, miss, Fail. So bad was it the Cleric had to save me from the Goblin attackers.

On the way back to town he figured he cut me a break so we stumbled upon a tree with +1 swords growing out of it, all we needed was to do a athletic check.

Fail.

"save vs bleeding"

Success!

"Your now at half health, but avoided the shock."
Digo 8th Oct 2012, 6:05 AM edit delete reply
OMG, one of my players shares AJ's pain in bad dice rolls. His d20s consistantly roll low in combat so he has to keep finding bonuses where he can so he can do something effective in those boss fights. XD

I swear d20s all can make that peace sign AJ's die does.
Zuche 8th Oct 2012, 6:30 AM edit delete reply
Oh, that's what it was. I thought it was a bunny.
gindranis 8th Oct 2012, 4:31 PM edit delete reply
i think she just rolled a 2
Zuche 8th Oct 2012, 9:54 PM edit delete reply
That makes sense also.
Rokas 8th Oct 2012, 6:12 AM edit delete reply
Ahahaha! Good one!

Man, it's no fun when your dice get cursed. The group I play with are so superstitious of it that we refuse to even let the GM's dice come into contact with ours, lest the doom aura his evil, evil, EVIL dice exude contaminate them. Heck, his wife even salts his dice on a regular basis.
Digo 8th Oct 2012, 7:06 AM edit delete reply
One of my players once got so fed up with a poorly performing d20 that he swore it was turely cursed. He put that d20 in a ziplock bag and took a hammer to it. One swing and shattered it in about four pieces.

My wife autopsied the die and found a huge airpocket near the lower-end numbers. Suddenly we had context.
Cain 8th Oct 2012, 7:17 AM edit delete reply
Cain
Had something similar, an orange dice one of my players had, never would roll higher than 10 for more than a single roll. As a joke we gave it to a new player who joined in, and she got it rolling high. Our response "It likes the X chromosome"
Zuche 8th Oct 2012, 7:30 AM edit delete reply
Y would you say that?
CJT 9th Oct 2012, 12:10 AM edit delete reply
Hmm. There might be good money in selling devices that x-ray dice, if stories like this get around.

(Easy to build, hard to get licensed for home use. X-ray tubes are not toys.)
Greywander 9th Oct 2012, 1:47 AM edit delete reply
Greywander
Wouldn't it be easier just to test roll each die a few times before allowing it to be used?

Not that X-rays aren't cool, but as you said, they're not toys.

EDIT: D'oh, I'm an idiot. I thought this was the comment thread about the cooked dice. Disregard my previous statement.
Chakat Firepaw 9th Oct 2012, 1:42 PM edit delete reply
You have to roll the die way more than a few times to test it, however there is a fairly easy test that only takes a few iterations to detect mass imbalances:

The water glass test, where you take a tall glass of water and release the die just below the surface. Do this a few times with the die starting in different orientations and you will quickly see if there is a heavy/light spot.
ANW 8th Oct 2012, 6:15 AM edit delete reply
panal 3 Classic pancake (panAPPLEcake)
Bad joke I know.
p.s. I've been here senice comic 50.
kriss1989 8th Oct 2012, 6:16 AM edit delete reply
kriss1989
I would talk about one of my players rolls, but then I'd have to recount every game we've ever played together. It's gotten to the point where some of the players ask him not to breath near their dice. Yes, he is that unlucky.
Zuche 8th Oct 2012, 6:35 AM edit delete reply
I've got a DM whose dice tend to steal good rolls from the table. When he's calling out crit every second round against guys who can only be hit on a 19 or better and the players can't roll above a 4 until one of them isn't getting back up, it becomes time to rethink how you adventure. It's one reason I like Fortune Cards. Sometimes, it's nice to know about a bit of luck in advance.
Karilyn 8th Oct 2012, 6:56 AM edit delete reply
Karilyn
You know, I remember Oblivious saying that he always had abysmal rolls in roleplaying games, so he wrote Soaring Song to be a total klutz who screws everything up.

You can guess what happened. Soaring Song constantly and unendingly rolls high, and tends to be 24/7 epic.

The dice love to troll players.
Zuche 8th Oct 2012, 7:01 AM edit delete reply
I had a character who could only hit opponents if he took a penalty on the attack roll for being prone. It was uncanny.
Oblivious 8th Oct 2012, 12:56 PM edit delete reply
Oblivious
Apparently, I had built up a lot of good dice karma from all those craptastic rolls, and Soaring became awesome as a result of it. Still, it's not like Soaring doesn't have enough failure to round that out, such as almost dying every other session, and having the social skills of a drunken bull.
LoganAura 8th Oct 2012, 1:04 PM edit delete reply
LoganAura
Didn't help you WERE drunk once :P
Oblivious 8th Oct 2012, 11:13 PM edit delete reply
Oblivious
Wasn't the first time I was drunk during a Pony Tales session, just the first time you guys were immensely entertained by it.
Zuche 8th Oct 2012, 6:59 AM edit delete reply
"You see a tree. You think there may be more of them." ~One DM's description of a horribly failed Perception check made in a forest.

I try to encourage my dice to have a sense of humour. Ill-timed failure is fine if it's accompanied by unlikely success, as long as neither happens too consistently. It's also why I roll in the open.

Warning: The event I am about to describe happened. Liberties have been taken with dialogue as I no longer recall exactly what I said."

One night, I had a player outnumbered 2 to 1 by enemies. The first one attacked, rolled a 20, and the player winced.

"Don't worry," I assured him, "That was a minion," which meant that it didn't cause more damage on a critical hit.

Then I rolled an attack for the second creature, and it was a 20 again.

"No, it's okay," I assured the player again. "This attack just pulls you toward the monster. It does no damage. It's a minor action though, so it gets to follow up by attempting to spear you."

Another 20.

"...This just wasn't your round."
nekollx 8th Oct 2012, 1:49 PM edit delete reply
nekollx
In my Fan Fic Mystic Force: Rangers in Retrograde when the ragers play a table top game All the rolls were done by me to decide the flow of the story. Of course the paladin would have to fail every roll with the cursed armor that turns her into a catgirl...and increases her bust size
LoganAura 8th Oct 2012, 7:24 AM edit delete reply
LoganAura
Grey.
Just grey.
We have a general rule of thumb in my Tatters game. Well I do. Derp Eyes McSpellcaster is not allowed to roll sense motive on plot important NPCs, and KN:Arcana, even if it is his cutie mark, is not allowed on plot relevant artifacts that might activate on a nat 1.
Greywander 8th Oct 2012, 10:09 AM edit delete reply
Greywander
image
Oblivious 8th Oct 2012, 12:57 PM edit delete reply
Oblivious
That sucks, but at the same time, d'awww.
Cyrus 8th Oct 2012, 7:33 AM edit delete reply
We have one *player* who is cursed. He can't roll higher than 12, no matter the dice set. We don't even let him touch ours anymore for fear of contamination.
Masterofgames 8th Oct 2012, 8:23 AM edit delete reply
Anywhere from 1 to 12? No matter the dice set? Even on d4s?

Dang, that's impressive.
Destrustor 8th Oct 2012, 1:31 PM edit delete reply
Destrustor
Hey That's exactly me! My average on any d20 is pretty much 8. I'm actually starting to consider anything above 10 to be a crit because I can only seem to roll in that range 5%of the time at best.
I once dueled my DM: My d100 versus his d20. He won best out of five.
tjprower 8th Oct 2012, 7:52 AM edit delete reply
My last campaign had a bumbling rogue. Under normal circumstances, he was a pretty big jerk. However, whenever he was in mortal danger, he'd always fail miserably. Flying away from kolbolds in a fog only he could see through: Gets crit by an arrow within an inch of his life. Goes to disable a swinging axe trap on a revolving floor: Trips, falls down, and rolls toward the blades. If my party wasn't constantly saving him, he would've died much sooner than he did. Ironically, he didn't die by his own hand: Our healer botched a critical heal and killed him on accident. XD
Zuche 8th Oct 2012, 8:28 AM edit delete reply
Heh. We had a guy who always took the worst hurting from friendly fire. He'd wade straight into the fight, call a sorcerous burst down on his head, and be the only one hurt -- by a crit, no less. Another player once convinced him to draw an opportunity attack because that player was running a defender that would get to swing at the attacking creature first. The defender missed, the monster scored a crit, and he refused to trust the defender from then on.

There are times, "Does not play well with others," is a measure of bad luck rather than personality.
Kynrasian 8th Oct 2012, 11:29 AM edit delete reply
It's funny, that exact thing happened to me.

Not even joking, he turned to me at least two rounds later and said "trust me" when I was almost dead.
Gerkuman 8th Oct 2012, 9:02 AM edit delete reply
Gerkuman
I had a bad spell of rolls that got me insane in WFRP after falling into a underground lake and getting stuck in a water pocket.

Gave me an imaginary friend who looked like a skeleton and constantly berated me for everything I did.
Masterofgames 8th Oct 2012, 12:11 PM edit delete reply
Something kind of like that once happened to me, only it was less an imaginary friend, and more a case of a skeleton that still had the same personality that he had in life. His head was knocked off and thus was the only part of himself he still had any ability to use.

He was evil, but really bad at it. He kept insisting that he was the ultimate force of darkness and would doom the world, and then engage in semi-polite conversation for a bit.

His name was Murry.
deeman45 8th Oct 2012, 9:09 AM edit delete reply
Yeah, one of the groups I roll with has something similar. The host has extra dice, so anyone who forgets theirs can borrow some.

The problem is their well-earned name: The Cursed Dice.

(Guess who forgets his own set more than anyone else >.<)
Digo 8th Oct 2012, 9:20 AM edit delete reply
In the GURPS system, you roll 3d6 and rolling lower is better for skills. In one fight playing as The Great & Powerful Trixie (on Earth), I was attacked by several minions with guns. I managed to dodge their fire for several rounds (Had to roll 9 or less and I was doing it!), all the while trying not to drop a quickly growing fireball spell I held.

Finally my spell is maxed out at 9d6 dice of damage and I fire it off into the group of mooks! I roll for damage and...

10 Fire.
grtgfbll 8th Oct 2012, 10:34 AM edit delete reply
grtgfbll
That's GURPS for you. You either ace all your skill checks, but can't do enough damage to matter; or you can dish out the pain, but can't hit anything in the first place ;P
Solario the Visored 8th Oct 2012, 10:33 AM edit delete reply
Awesome theme song is AWESOME!! :D
Ranubis 8th Oct 2012, 10:50 AM edit delete reply
Ranubis
My Pony Tales character is guilty of this too. I created a guard with a passing interest in history (Cutie Mark skill), so the group had me do some research with a plot book while they stood on guard.


Me: "Alright, I'll have Alcazar start reading. *roll* 14."

DM: "After a few chapters, you come across a description of the place you are looking for!"

Me: "Great! I'll keep reading then. *roll* Whoops, a nat 1."

Group: "Uh oh..."

DM: "In your excitement at finding some information, you accidentally tear out the relevant pages."

Me: "Crud. Ok then, I guess I'll try to put the pages back before I try reading them again. *roll* ... what."

DM: "Ooh, and that's another nat 1. As you reach for the pages, a gust of wind blows past you, sending the pages into a nearby torch."

Group: "Alcazar..."


And now not only is Alcazar banned from any plot-devices, we have a saying in the group: "Every two nat 1's a plot point dies."
Oblivious 8th Oct 2012, 12:59 PM edit delete reply
Oblivious
To be fair, you roll better than Newbiespud does. He seems to have taken all the bad dice rolls that normally go to me.
LoganAura 8th Oct 2012, 2:08 PM edit delete reply
LoganAura
Scrapper derps. Hits 3 mares in the flank.
Alc gets 11. Mares beat him up.

...
yeah, Alc wins worst rolls.
Oblivious 8th Oct 2012, 11:16 PM edit delete reply
Oblivious
There's a reasonable explanation for that one too. They weren't agitated until Scrapper bumped into them, and Alcazar just took the brunt of the assault.

Also, 11 is still higher than 1, 2, or 3. Alcazar may have dealt with the consequences, but Scrapper still got the lower roll.
Kynrasian 8th Oct 2012, 11:24 AM edit delete reply
In our party, it's pretty much bring your own dice. They tend to kiss up to their owner.
DragonTrainer 8th Oct 2012, 12:01 PM edit delete reply
DragonTrainer
Microwaved Dice. :p

Not that I've actually tried that yet. >_>
Boden King 8th Oct 2012, 12:23 PM edit delete reply
Is that why Cody has such great dice?
DragonTrainer 8th Oct 2012, 11:12 PM edit delete reply
DragonTrainer
Nah, he'd be instantly caught if he relied on only that. He just buys a bunch of dice in bulk and keep the ones that consistantly roll high. :p
Bronymous 8th Oct 2012, 12:29 PM edit delete reply
Bronymous
Since most of my games recently have been using dice rolling programs, I just blame bad rolls on a cheating system.

But then when I get to roll for myself using my dice, I can't help but feel like everyone's going to think I'm cheating every time I roll higher than 12- which is a lot more frequently.
Zarhon 8th Oct 2012, 12:41 PM edit delete reply
Zarhon
My own players of the "Zilean's revenge" campaign are accusing the "Wizards of the Coast" rolling site of being rigged to do natural ones. I'm starting to believe them.

edit: Ninja'd by Bronymous. Curses!

As for personal experience: Pony Team Bravo failed pathetically at trying to get a carriage in Appleoosa, as we were unable to convince them we needed it. The events right after that further cemented the deal, but luckily didn't actually affect us, as prepared for it.

Context: We need to get to a changeling hive to steal/retrieve an artifact from them. The closest town to the hive was Appleoosa. We decide to rent a carriage for the desert trip.

We attempt to haggle the rent price down, as well as conceal the fact that they'll probably never see the carriage again after we visit Changelingland.

First, Green Horn attempts to spin a tale about how we're looking for rare plants in the desert. Cue Natural 1. We try to salvage the situation, saying we're geologists looking for oil. We roll again, they aren't buying it. We finally give up and just tell them that we're on an important mission. Natural 1 again. Skill challenge ends with two nat1's and a failure.

What happens after that is the best/worst thing anypony could do in a campaign.

Our resident nutter, "Unknown Answer", decided to use his "Element of Laughter" ability, coupled with "The Fun Has Been Doubled", causing two d100 events to happen in succession. DM asks him to point at something/somepony, he points at Mouse, our klepto/psycho pony.

Results:
- Mouse is set on fire, but the fire isn't harming her. Essentially, she looks like Twilight after she blew her fuse and lit herself on fire.
- Mouse gets a feeling of dread as something omnious is summoned to her location, at DM's choice.

The thing that gets summoned? "Kitten". A Sugarcube Corner-sized, eldritch abomination, that Mouse befriended/pacified/mentally bonded with/puppy-dog eyed into submission two sessions prior using "The Stare".

"Kitten" fall right on top of Mouse, almost knocking her out. This extinguishes her flames, but causes them to burn "Kitten" in the process.

As a result, "Kitten" is hurt by the fire and starts rampaging, destroying Appleoosa and causing havoc.

We realize we need to fix it. We all decide to enact an insane plan: Transform Kitten with magic into a pony to save the town. We used a pearl artifact to augment the spell, amplifying it (we learned of this property during a train ride, where a faint "echo" spell was amplified, breaking all the windows on the train and nearly deafening us). The one doing the roll could critically fail on a 1, 2, or 3 roll, we staked a lot of things on this.

Our roll? A natural 1.

LUCKILY, we used a "failsafe" spell right before, which lets us reroll a natural 1. Whew! After that, we rolled rather high, allowing us to transform "Kitten" into a pony foal.

Our troubles were not over, however. We then had to run from a pitchfork-style mob, as "Kitten" practically erased Appleoosa from existance. We roll to run away. Two of us stumble and are about to be caught, one of them being Mouse, who was carrying "Kitten" with her.

In desperation, we throw a stick of dynamite to delay the mob.

We realize that our two friends would be caught in the blast. One of them is teleported away, while Mouse and Kitten are quickly rescued from the explosion, Matrix style.

Our DM later said that if we had kept the natural 1 of that roll, and he rolled high enough, we'd pretty much doom the world right there.
Philadelphus 8th Oct 2012, 1:11 PM edit delete reply
Philadelphus
Wait, we were trying to rent the carriage? I thought we were buying it outright! That explains why the guy was so reluctant to part with it...

Also, I still think it's funny that Green Horn couldn't even convince the guy of his actual job.
Zarhon 8th Oct 2012, 1:15 PM edit delete reply
Zarhon
Yeah, DM said it was like a "rent-a-car", when I asked about the carts condition to try and haggle for it.
Demonu 8th Oct 2012, 1:20 PM edit delete reply
Demonu
What can I say? That dice site hates your guts and wants to make sweet dice rolling love to me ^^
Zarhon 8th Oct 2012, 1:28 PM edit delete reply
Zarhon
And conversely, it hates your guts for combat-related reasons, such as the two boss fights with Kitten/Green Ranger we avoided completely and the Giant Enemy Crab. :3
Demonu 8th Oct 2012, 1:36 PM edit delete reply
Demonu
First incident wasn't related to me rolling dice. That was just you guys seeing an eldritch abomination staring down at you and go "Imma go hug it!" and got a roll up to what, 98 or something?

With the Green Ranger incident, you rolled a nat20. I could have had you fight your later teammate but the complaints I would get about ignoring a nat20 wouldn't be worth it :)

The Giant Enemy Crab fight was poorly thought out but yes, consistently rolling low with d10 and d12 is frustrating.
Azureink 8th Oct 2012, 9:49 PM edit delete reply
Azureink
Clearly they weren't trying to hit it in its weakpoint for massive damage.
CJT 9th Oct 2012, 12:08 AM edit delete reply
Most memorable fumble rolls? A Mekton Zeta campaign, where the DM made you roll dice every time you said "I *try* to (action)" instead of "I (action)", during roleplay.

Apparently botching eating a sandwich results in you accidentally sticking it in your own eye.

Having had RL sandwich-fumbles, I can believe it.

Most memorable wierd dice ju-ju (not a fumble): The Realms campaign half a lifetime ago.

A recurring NPC was an entity called the Riddling Reaver (yes, that one). He didn't want to kill us per se; he just wanted to make things more _interesting_ (he's been described as "the original wild mage", and is pretty much a demigod of chaos). To that end, he'd often show up and offer us a gamble of some form or other (when he wasn't just teleporting my character into another dimension for the fun of it).

On this particular occasion, he offered us draws from a Deck of Many Things.

Good things happened to us if we drew good cards.

If we drew bad cards, bad things happened to our *friends* (the other PCs).

One character drew "powerful extraplanar enemy". This was our party's wild mage (who thought the Reaver was loads of fun). He successfully made the case that his NPC friend, Doug, should count as a candidate.

The DM rolled the die in front of us to pick the target. It came up as Doug.

A few days later, during a parade, a portal opened, a huge demon reached out, grabbed Doug, bit his head off, smiled, and closed the portal.

Thus died our third Doug (he was our campaign's Kenny, mostly through sheer bad luck).